Proverbs 3:5-6~ "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Yesterday was just one big...I don't even know how to describe it. My relationship with my parents hasn't really gotten any better. My dad's ok, Sarah on the other hand, she's not even my real mom yet diciplines like I'm one of her own...she's got dad wrapped around her finger. Last night, Stacey and I wanted to rent a movie and the 'rents decided that I couldn't go anywhere until I have everything paid off, which is $36 on my Colorado trip, $50 for next month car insurance, $20 minimum spending money in CO, at least $20 for gas money, and now I'm trying to save up for a car stereo. I wasn't going to be driving or spending money yet I couldn't go. That was going to be time spent with Stacey and they ruined it. Sarah went up to dad and was like "Tell your 16 year old daughter that she's not going anywhere." I have paid my insurance for this month, I have gas money...yet Sarah's going against her word. My dad won't do anything about it. I know it's normal for girls to like...hate their mom during their teenage years, but where does she come off totally making a fool of me in front of my friends. Tuesday night, after we got back from Buffalo Wild Wings, I brought Michelle and Chelsea home again because Stacey said she wanted to do something with us later. The minute I walk through the door.."Turn right back around and take them home. Why is it you always have to make me look like the bad guy in front of your friends? This crap about bringing friends over so that you can get out of the house is going to stop. From now on......blah blah blah blah blah..." blah blah blah is all I really got from it. Good grief, it's summer. Why do you think I was anticipating getting my license and a job, so it would get me out of the house for long periods of time? All I get from her anymore is just nagging. Tyler and Cody are learning bad things from her. Always making stuff up about me, they even talk about me behind my back....my own brothers...what's even worse is that when I try to defend myself, Sarah gets off that I have an attitude and I'm being a smart ass. Sure, I'll admit that I put some sarcasim in my tone....5% of the time. She doesn't even treat her own daughter the way she treats me. If she knew half the stuff Heather has done that I've kept my mouth shut about, Heather would be just as sheltered as me. I just want to run away. All I do is just get hounded about how much of a smart ass I'm being and that my attitude had better stop if I want to do anything again....but how can I stop an attitude I don't even have. I do the things she asks, I answer her questions, what more does she want from me? I want to live with my mom now. My dad's never really home, and when he is home, he's always busy with projects around the house, never really and time to spend and talk with him. I'm just all alone here in my basement....and I get yelled at for staying in the basement too much...only because my room is down here and a big screen...and a computer..pff, what ever. Maybe if there were things to do around the house besides make it completely dust free for like 2 minutes I'd be up there more. That and if I could have a civilized conversation with anyone before it turns into a screaming contest. I hate it here. I'm in a cage. I'm trapped. I can't go anywhere, do anything, see anyone, say anything... And everyone wonders why I am the way I am. Like Stacey, I had no childhood. Though I did have a little more of one than she did. I had responsibilities put on me by age 9...possibly 10. I was dealing with things no 9 year old should ever deal with. I learned very quickly just what kind of world it is I live in. I just want to go to a place where I'm wanted and feel loved. I don't feel love here, at least not in this house, from Stacey and that's about it. I don't even really care if Sarah reads this. She went into my other diary...total invasion of privacy. Punishment isn't there to make people miserable. It's to show them that it's a mistake they made and should never do again...not go on for months on end. Everyday, it just seems like all I hear from her mouth is how worthless I am. I want my mom. I want to see her, hear her, hug her. Sure I have great friends, but what good does it do me to have friends if I can't ever see them or do things with them if it's summer vacation? Friends really are great to have. But I lost a big part of me last Wednesday that's going to take a while to get back...if at all. My life here sucks....I'm tired of being strong all the time. Just lock me away already. Take away all my privaleges, with so many rules and 'from now ons' I don't have anything left to do. I'm trapped.