I dont know if I'm in love..I wish I knew...I think I am...but I'm just so scared...scared of lossing him...he and I were great friends to begin with...and now...*sighs* I dont know..I hate this feeling... and Im getting that "bitch dont you dare, he is mine" feeling...I keep thinking someone is going to try and take him away from me and yea...I dont know..Life is just kinda crappy...bc i know i love him...but does he love me?? UGH!!! well laurie and i have to figure out a song we want in order to work for gaines this summer Yesterdays: I hate this feeling...god I wish my mom wasnt such a b---, I wish I had a mother to talk to, to count on or something... theres days where I wish I could talk to someone, just talk,ask them for advice or something and most days I wish it was my mom...I could talk to...all my life I wished, prayed, and dreamed to have my mom to act like a mother...someone to be there for her kids..not some drunk druggie who is always gone and puts her friends first rather than her own kids...for as long I can remeber there were no smiles, no happy moments with her..nor as a family before and after my brother was born...she was no mother to us...guess who had to take care of him, fed him, change him, gave him a bath, played with him, teach him stuff when my father was working 6 days a week..ME I was just 7 yrs old when he was born...just SEVEN!!!!!! you know how hard that is?? especially for a 7yr old girl who hardly had any friends, was always made fun of by her family and peers and who was always sick...do you know how tuff it is for a 7yr old to grow up so quickly and not ever really being able to enjoy being a child...my grandmother and grandfather tried thier best but they had to work too...my dad wonders why I get so depress and why I have a hard time keeping my grades up when my brother gets As and Bs and perfect scores on his tests..and he compares us...he askes why I couldnt I get the same grade back then and why cant I still get them...well for one I had to take care of my brother...I had no time to do my homework..no one to help me as a child and I was always being yelled at and hit by my mother...so many people wonder why I'm so quite and shy and well theres your answer...my mom...the closest thing I ever had to a mother was my dads ex...she was the best!! I miss her so much!! I LOVE HER!! she was always there for me...but ever since she and my dad broke up the less I saw and talked to her...I REALLY want her to go to my graduation...it will mean the world to me!!! her and her duaghter Kim and kims grandmother (Nina) they were the most amazing people!! and I miss them so much...I wish I could tell them everything that has happen...what I really need is a mother figure in my life...someone to talk to and be there for me...yea sure I have amazing great friends and a the most wonderful bf...but that isnt enough...what I really want and need is a mom...ever since I can remeber...I spent all my b-day wishes, my pennys, nickles, dimes. quaters and thrown them into a wishing well and wished two things...to have a mother, or to have my mom change and become a better mother for her kids...I wish I could just go back in time and just tell my self not to hold my breath...