Friday's dinner was great. I had a good time with the girls. Just wished i was 21 to go to the club with them. I went to ranging water on Sunday it was fun i got kinda sunburn but its not really bad its a nice color i actully like it. Well i havent been feeling all that well lately. I think im coming down with a cold. I havent been sick for a long time now and i want it to stay that way. Well im off to class now. Peace Out Love Zo

Wow!!!! I cant belive i haven't written in a long time. I use to be so on top of this. Well i guess i could say not im a busy women. I like the sound of that. Lets see... Where do i begin? Well first of all im back to school and my class are pretty good. Im taking Ethnic studies 120 (mexican american studies), Math, and English. Im pretty happy i dont have to buy books for one class but im going to be spending about $200.00 for both classes. Now thats not bad. Well as for work its pretty good. Ive been in calstatela and compton college for a while now so im back and forth with both locations. Today im somewhat feeling annoyed. Probably because its to hot and i feel like im in a car with no air conditioning. But whatevers gotsta think cool thoughts. Maybe it will help me throught the day. Soon ill be changing the heder pic i kinda got tired of looking at myself haha. Maybe something more alive. Im not sure what else to write because oviously im writing about what i dont know what to write about. WEIRD!........ Peace Out Love Zo

Well things have been getting better. My mom is still sad (of course) and so is everyone at home. I introduced my mom to a band called "manu chao" she liked it but for some reason it reminded her of her dad and she almost cried in the car while we where listening to some of his songs. She mentioned that when she drives she thinks about him more than ussual. I dont know what exactly to say to her. This is the first time i go through this and im not sure how to handle it. I think that lately ive been maturing. Im no longer easy manipulated. Ive been hurt bad enought to say that im over being blue and like manu chao says "I'm so happy there's nobody in my place instead of me". So lets just say everything is ok and im just living my life to the fullest... Peace out Love Zo

My grampa died on friday 4/7/06 may he RIP... My mom went to el salvador to the bariel i talked to her yesterday. She told me all about it. I miss her so much i cry almost every nigh. I love and i feel so bad i mean i know she knows it and she sometimes thinks i dont. Im a lot like her i noticed during this time that she has left us. But she'll be back monday :) I CANT WAIT!!!! Peace Out Love Zo

The day was good and im happy im not tired. Maybe because i had a energy bar and double vanilla tea latte. Im becoming a coffee adict again. I know I know i should'nt but i can't help myself. Well what can i say everything is going great. School is good and im on track. Work is good i love that job. its so kick back the manegers dont give you shit their pretty cool. other than Shawn he still creeps me out sometimes but thats just hot shawn is i guess. I hate mac computers i just cant stand them. They are kinda dificult for me to use. My english class is up next i think i improved in writting my essays this little group work has really helped me so im happy im learning something that is improving my writting skills witch i need. You might not see i here because i just write whatever comes to my mind. Well people i hope you all have a wounderful week. I sure hope i do. Peace Out Love Zo

A green plastic watering can For a fake chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth That she bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself It wears her out, it wears her out It wears her out, it wears her out She lives with a broken man A cracked polystyrene man Who just crumbles and burns He used to do surgery On girls in the eighties But gravity always wins And it wears him out, it wears him out It wears him out, it wears him out She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing My fake plastic love But I can't help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling If I just turn and run And it wears me out, it wears me out It wears me out, it wears me out And if I could be who you wanted If I could be who you wanted All the time, all the time

Global Personality Test Results Stability (50%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being calm and resilient and being anxious and reactive. Orderliness (83%) high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (43%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. Take Free Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com

I got 4 hrs done today at the math lab so i have to finish 4 more for the rest of the week, thats pretty good. I love my ethnic studies class everyone has different opinions and stuff and it keeps the class talking and it dosent get boring so thats awesome. I felt really bad cause i called my mom to come and bring me my wallet cause i left my credit card and cash in there and i had nothing to eat :( ima give her a hug and thank her when i get home. Its to much of a drive for her and i know she was tired from work specialy tuesday are a bitch for her. The last class at 7:30pm now let me tell you i hate that class it sucks ass its so long and well its writing and i hate writing essays i suck at them but im not going to give up i set goals this year so hopefully everything turns out ok. Im so fucking tired man im like falling asleep i need coke :( but i cant drink it cause i dont want to fuck my kidney up again gotta eat healty and ive been. My back hurts from all the books ive been carying around all day :( Peace Out Love Zo

Someone loged into my darkenedzosogirl SN on aol :( and deleted some ppl...

I went to chucky e cheese yesterday with my sister her boyfriend, dad, bro and cusin. I had a great time but man i stuffed myself with pizza i felt like chucky in that suite seriously. Im going to be going to school full time every tuesdays and thursday from 1045am until 945pm i know im going to get bored being there alllllllll fuck day but i want to finish school fast so im willing. So im driving already without a license only when my parents lead me the car lol. But im reading the book most of it i already know. And driving is not that hard but i get scared and shit haha i guess everybody dose right? well im out and about. Peace Out Love Zo

No0o0o0o0o!!! Last night i had a little fever and i know its from the Kidney infection this is how it all started before i went to the hospital :( Im really sad now. Ice cream ussualy makes me happy but its just not helping. Nothing is i guess i just to be nurtured-cantspell-. Im so sick of being sick! Today gladys is gonna come and sleep over YAY!!! we are going to this thai resturant its been a while since ive had thai food. Peace Out Love Zo

Wow its been a while since ive written. Well a lot has been going on i guess. I went to the doc a week ago and it turns out i still have an infection. I am pretty sad well really sad actully im scared i might get an oparation witch the doc says i am well might if these pillz im taking right now dont cure me. It should last me for about 5 more months so hopefully im ok. I get really dizzy sometimes when im exposed to light thats a side effect from the medicine so sometimes i just stay home and go out when the sun sets kinda sad but its a must. Ive been in pain lately so this really sucks. Last night i cried myself to sleep cause i was scared and well i was in pain too. Well im happy and sad so i guess thats what ive been for a long time it goes up and down like a rollercoster just like my life. I did some pretty dumb stuff since the last time i written here. Lets just say i enjoy pain physically like in harmful way. I asked my daddy if he thought i was pretty today. And he said to him im pretty and he asked me why i asked him and i said well i just dont feel so pretty anymore. Ive been maturing a lot lately ive noticed and well ive been thinking a lot about my future and things i need to get done now. Man i had this diary for a long time including poisonstar haha. This diary has helped me a lot. :) even if i dont get comments just writting what i feel and expressing myself. Ive been painting lately and well its happy/sad witch i am and it sucks cause my brother asked me why i always paint death like you sad stuff and i said i dunno cause i really dont know why i just paint how i feel most of the time. I could keep typing about a whole bunch of shit and stuff but im getting tired i took a Valerian and A sleep time tea haha yeah i guess im deppressed i wake up in the middle of the night and hear my name its weird and then i go back to sleep and sometimes i cant and i just lay there listening to music and stare at the seling :*( GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE! Peace Out Love Zo

Today i went to the doctors so they could do a VCUG test on me( thats when they put this tube up your pipi hole into your blader) and yeah they doc said everything looked normal but to wait until my doctor takes a look at the pictures and video thingy to actually be sure im ok. So im going to make an appointment with her soon. That shit really hurt i almost cried haha but its kinda funny now that i take a look back on it. I am in pain my blader kinda hurts and it feels wierd i think the liquid that they put unside of me is still in there :( Well im exicted to go back to school i just want to get shit done with i dont want to take other classes that i really dont need cause the state only gives you a certain amount of money and i want to be done fast and transfer to a university. So i rented movies stayed in bed practacly all day i feel kinda lonely my sisters not here. I hope she gets here soon so i could watch the movies with her and not by myself. I havent been eating meet and stuff my mom makes i dont know why. Ive been eating soup a lot i dont know why i just like soup so much haha its kinda weird. oh and im hooked on teas too. Ive been loosing weight so thats good. I feel lighter i think i lost like 5 pounds so far. Well thats all i have to say for today. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Peace Out LOve Zo

Im tired im sleepy work was good but a little busy. My mom is on my last nerve the last night i want to do is see another face. I feel like im being a bitch with everyone at home today but im fuckin tired my mom keeps asking for favors and what not and i just want to lay in bed and fuckin rest. Peace Out Love Zo

Im pushing myself away from my friends (well thats how i feel) i just want to be alone for a while i think im sinking in my depression again. I dont go to gladys house anymore like u use to every week i hardly call her now i dont talk to anyone but my family. Im not sure why ive been acting like this im not open about things like i was before. I keep a lot to myself that i want to let out but i cant cause im afraid of what people might say or how they might look at me and react to it. Ive been sad these cuple of weeks. When i got the job i cried cause i felt like a loser cause i couldnt get anything right i though maybe getting a job will make me happy but im not happy at all theres something missing and i dont know what it is. well thats all for now. Peace Out Love ZO

I went to gladys house today it was dope i had fun took some pics. http://www.myspace.com/pattythebum go there i have them posted. Timothy IM me today and i was kinda shocked and i told im the reason why i stoped talking to him and i was honest. I dont know hes a good guy but i just didnt want to get to know him more cause i felt it was a waste of time. Peace Out Love ZO

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO EVERYONE HOPE YOU HAVE A SAFE ONE! i know i havent written recently i dunno i guess i havent had enought to share. Well now i havent a job at cal state LA barnes and nobles college bookstore its pretty cool i like it. Ive been sad these cuple of days i know why but i rather not talk about it. Im not talking to timothy anymore. There was just things about him that i didnt like and well i didnt feel like he liked me plus what he said that was it i couldnt forgive him even though i lied and said i did. I did like him and i was sad for a cuple of days BUT....... el no es el tengo en mi corazon. El que tengo se fue i lo extrano...

Today might not be the best day for my brother. We took him early to school cause we had a meeting with the schools Psychologist and she had to evaluate joey and give him a few test. Hes been there since 9am with her and i dunno i have a feeling hes really sad right now and tired. Its 12:58pm right now and im just waiting for her call so i cant go pick up my brother. We had to take so paper work home while hes there and the questions are so stupid but we have to answer them so she can get a feel of him. I Feel like crying i dunno im emotional today probably the thought that my little brother is talking to dose shrinks and hes only 9. I hope hes ok. Peace Out Love ZO

Today not much went on i just stayed home helped my mom put the lights up and letty bought a christmas tree so that was pretty cool we put up the decorations on it. My cousins came over and she brought her kids man i love them so much :D well yeah Miguel is sleeping over so thats pretty cool i like his company hes like my little brother. Peace Out Love Zo

"Obtener Un Si" Ay, ay, como muero por ti Como poder olvidarte Basta que me enamores O que me mandes flores Para obtener un si Ya tengo ojera de tanto mirarte Y lo peor es que aun me quedan tantas ganas de... Esperarte Hasta que entiendas que Te quiero porque eres claro Como la planta de mis pies Como el amor después de hecho Como tu voz y tu piel Ay, ay, como muero por ti Como poder olvidarme Basta que me enamores O que me mandes flores Para obtener un si Te quiero porque eres claro Como la planta de mis pies Como el amor después de hecho Como tu voz y tu piel Ay, ay, como muero por ti Como poder olvidarme Basta que me enamores O que me mandes flores Para obtener un si ------------------------------------------------------------------ Im so in love with this song!