i try..i honestly do...i think....am i not trying hard enough i even told him that we need to work on our communication skills. does he even try. no...when i told him about it the phone was acting up (ironc aint it?) and he said that he'll call me back...does he ever? no. i want to quit...but i think i know why i wont. im afraid to be alone. i havent been alone for quite sometime... its been exactly 9 months....9 months ago on a saturday he had asked me out..or well..Laura did...he doesnt know that i know that he had laura write me the e-mail to ask me out. so i guess he and arnt relly going out i guess..so these days shouldnt really mean much to me bc its not technally real...virtually? possibly... i have that lump feeling in the back of my throat....that funny feeling you get when you want to cry so bad but cant...or dont want to. so you try all your best with your heart to no cry. why do we as human let ourselfs get like this.....why do i allow myself to become like this..but when it comes to my friends around me i dont let them. its always easier said then done...why? why doesnt he look at me? why doesnt he notice something real...but no instead he is far more interested in something that is so FUCKEN STUPID!!!!!! and not even real and that is virtual. and thats all he really talks about. .. video games.... i dont think he and i have nothing in common and i should get up from this fucken couch and just walk out of here and never come back again until he is ready for us...but do i? no....bc i keep thinking that i cant be alone and that i am to afraid...and i know its just all in my head and that its really stupid! but yet i do nothing. i am so much of a Fascist hiprocate ..AND I CANT EVEN FUCKEN SPEEL!! OH I KNOW!! HE AND I DO HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON...CANT SPELL! there we do..so now our lives can go on and about. we now can continue with our lives so how was you day?