So, I've finally hit that point in my college career where I feel just as much at home in Sarasota as I do in Blue Hill. As much as I missed seeing my friends and my dad and being back in my own house again, I really could've been just as happy spending Christmas in my bed in my house in Florida. (Well, provided other people stuck around for Christmas.)
It feels strange to feel this way, but I think I'm really hitting that huge transition from my old life to my new life that I'm building for myself every day. Soon, I'll be halfway done with college. That's huge. That means in two years I'll be starting (hopefully) my career and preparing to be on my own. It brings into question a lot of different things regarding myself and my future. I think my biggest thought is where will I end up? Of course, because of the pile of student loans I'm collecting, I'll need a well-paying job... but if I get choices... I'm not really sure at this point what I'll do. There are so many places I want to see, but there's so much to consider within that. If I leave the country, that will mean essentially starting my life over. New friends, new culture, etc etc. Also, if I am still with Beto (which I sincerely hope to be), I'd like to stay close to him until he graduates. Could be a total shot in the dark, but hey, nobody really has any idea what's going to happen. I could wake up with a terminal illness tomorrow, or decide I'd rather be a lawyer. Who knows?
With my 20th birthday coming up (so far, really the biggest milestone of my short life), I am hitting this really weird "quarter-life crisis." I still feel young enough to want to be a child. I still take comfort in being at home and having people around who care about me and look after me. However, at the same time, I am curious about life as an adult. It draws me to it like a siren's song. I sometimes find myself casually daydreaming about getting my own place, meeting "the one", getting married, having kids, and so on. Of course, I don't mean to say I'm thinking about these things seriously enough that they'll happen tomorrow, or even in the next few years... but the fact that they're occupying a fair bit of my thoughts is fascinating. I feel like I'm at this really awkward place in my life where I'm not a kid anymore, but still not really an adult. I have more responsibilities, and, for most of the year live on my own, paying bills and being responsible for myself. Maybe I'm making myself grow up too fast? Maybe this is some weird female thing that happens where we dream of Mr. Right and our beautiful house and beautiful children. I don't know.
Anyway, it's both comforting and a little saddening to feel this way. I miss my carefree childhood, but also am excited to see what life can bring me.

I guess there's only one way to find out.