Thanks to me and many others like me and our fallen brothers you don't have classes today....you're welcome

Well today was ok we didn't really do a whole lot of anything we stood outside for hours on end then went to play football. Ooh rah marine corp your tax dollars at work. We are now on our 96 which is pretty cool my leg still hurts but I think I'm going swimming tommorrow and probably to the gym ill take lots of motrin so it'll be ok. I also spent 130 at GNC so well put that stuff to use tommorrow. Hmm kododo said we playing halo tonight and I got 2 cases of monster so I should be good to go. It won't let me change my age in here...cuz the last time I checked I'm not 17 pretty sure I turn 20 in like 2 weeks which sucks cuz ill be here. Hmm dunno what else...ill probably be sleeping the rest of weekend since I'm cool that way...out

Well I think ill start writing in this diary again. As it'll give me something to do quite a bit has happened. I'm a fucking marine bitches. Done with boot and marince combat training. I'm stationed in missouri right now awaiting more training and I have internet on my phone so I can kill time in sitdiary so I'll actually be typing real entries seeing as no one uses sd anymore it'll be kinda lame. Think ill stop for now as I don't feel like writing right now anyway...does anyone use this anymore?

Well I think ill start writing in this diary again. As it'll give me something to do quite a bit has happened. I'm a fucking marine bitches. Done with boot and marince combat training. I'm stationed in missouri right now awaiting more training and I have internet on my phone so I can kill time in sitdiary so I'll actually be typing real entries seeing as no one uses sd anymore it'll be kinda lame. Think ill stop for now as I don't feel like writing right now anyway...does anyone use this anymore?

Doctor: Alright, just keep pushing, you’re doing fine. This will all be done before you know it. Karen: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU GARRRRFFFFF OOOOOOOO I HAAATTEEE YOUUU!!!!! Jeff: Ok, like this is my fault. You're responsibly for at least fifty percent of this. Doctor: With all due respect sir, your wife is in a lot of pain right now. Jeff: (Biting a burrito) Oh right. Sweetie, if pain was measured like earthquakes, where would you be sitting on the Richter scale right now? Karen: ARE YOU KIDDING ME JEFF? MY CERVIX IS STRETCHING LIKE A LIVESTRONG BRACELET! Jeff: Don't bring my Lance into this! Maybe I should just call off this whole birth. Would you like that? Doc, my wife has a bad attitude, unplug everything. You’re free to go home to your neglected family. Karen: Fine Jeff, fine. You want to know where I am on the Richter scale? I’m at an eight. AN EIGHT JEFF! My Ladypart is the San Andreas fault, and I’m about to bestow eighteen years of misery upon you and, geographically speaking, everyone from Palm Springs to Tijuana. HOW’S THAT FOR AN ANSWER? Jeff: Ample. Doc, shoot up my girl here with the finest drugs you have to offer. I want that baby to leave the womb with the munchies. Doctor: Considering where we are in the birth process I don’t think it would be wise to- Jeff: I’m not paying you for your discretion! I’m paying you to dig that epidural so deep in my girl’s spine that she spits out opioids every time she cracks her back! Woo! Doctor: Too late, the baby is coming. Jeff: Oh wow Karen, you and our baby have the same smile! Doctor: Actually, this child is in the breech position, that’s actually his butt. But no worries, he should come out fine. Karen: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!! Jeff: Back to square one… Doctor: Congratulations Karen, you’ve given birth to a beautiful baby boy... Jeff: Name it Jeff or I'm shoving it right back the fuck in.

Caveman 1: Hey check this thing out, it's shaped like a circle and it moves around easier than big rocks. Caveman 2: What are you gonna use it for? Caveman 1: I don't know, but I'm gonna call it a wheel, just remember I invented the wheel. Caveman 2: It's really not that great, what are you gonna do with it? Caveman 1: I don't know dude, wheel it around I guess, shut up! You're always nay-saying! You did this when I invented the plate too! Caveman 2: Well the wheel is the same thing as a plate, the only difference is it has a hole in the middle. Caveman 1: Yeah, you're right, it's really not that great is it? Caveman 2 : No, not really Caveman 1: Wanna go kill a Woolly Mammoth? Caveman 2: F*ck. Yes.

You know you drive an F-body when... 1) It takes you 8 hrs to change the spark plugs 2) You have to worry about breaking your rear end with even stock power 3) When you have to buy tires every year 4) Driving on the on ramp to the highway means wide open throttle 5) When you go under an overpass or through a tunnel you downshift into first and got full throttle because it sounds like an indycar 6) When you're trying to sneak out the house and you have to push your car about 2 1/2 blocks away just to turn your car so you're not heard at home.... 7) You find yourself listening to the exhaust instead of the tunes 8) You can spot another fbody or vette from a half mile by the daytime lights 9) When you take more pics of your car than anything else. 10) When you see someone you know... you drop it down into 1st, slowly roll by them, and tap the accelerator while lookin at them like "yea... you know you're impressed" everytime 11) When you cruise thru the mall parking lots just to see how many car alarms you can set off 12) When you refuse to put on a front liscense plate cuz you gotta see that front bowtie 13) When you meet total strangers that have the same intrest and act like old friends from high school.. 14) Mullet is your hairstyle of choice 15) When you are always looking for more traction 16) When old people shake their fist at you. 17) When old guys give you a thumbs up 18) When you have to drive at an angle driving on to/up steep driveways and roads 19) When you secretly watch people in the parking lot as you start your car up... and you get a kick out of it when they turn to see what the hell that was 20) You completely disregard fuel economy and just drive for the hell of it 21) When you're waiting for your check to clear just so you can add another mod 22) When you tell people not to lean on your car 23) When you dont mind people staring at your car 24) You drive passed an alll glass building and just look at your cars reflection 25) When you take the long way to a store just so you can have as much driving time as possible 26) If someone says "strange", you dont think about it being wierd. you think rear ends 27. Your always trying to find out what that "tick" is 28. Your homepage is Ls1tech 29. Instead of trying to beat the redlight, you hope it stops you so u can race from the dig 30. When a conversation starter becomes "So what have you done to her?" 31. when you are coming to a dip in the road too fast, your stomach twists, and you involuntarily pick up your feet cuz you know the exhaust is about to scrape.

Wouldn't life be more interesting if tickling crazy people was proven to give you good luck?

There are two types of people in this world: Guys who laugh saying the word “vagina,” and girls.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you dont get caught CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home. MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but hey, that shit was fun as fuck!" CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you. MILITARY FRIENDS: laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your pussy. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. MILITARY FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relatioship problems and hope it works out for you. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil. CIVILIAN FRIENDS:Know a few things about you. MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you! CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back. MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would do it right in front of you. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you! CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste.. That's alcohol abuse!!!" CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week. MILITARY FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore". MILITARY FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more" and then 2 minutes later "okay just one more". CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!! CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you." MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

"Hi every one, I'm Martin Luther King Jr. And umm... Haha, look at this girl, shes like "Oh My God! Why is Carlton's dad doing stand up comedy?" No... I'm not James Avery. Yes, I looked up his name before coming on stage tonight, so what? I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed. Haha. Just a tip, if you're ever in any city in America, and you're on a road named after me: RUN!!! Isn't that incredible? Have you guys noticed that? No matter where you are. You can be in Kansas City, Missouri, Los Angeles, California, it doesn't matter! If you're on MLK Boulevard... GET THE HELL OUT! Look at this white guy up here. "Oh no. That is NOT right. I don't want to laugh." What's your name buddy? Hi? Your name is Hi? What, were your parents hippies? This is a comedy show... Relax... You can laugh! That's how it works, I make jokes, you laugh. See? See how everybody around you is laughing. We ain't gonna hurt you... Yet! Haha, Nah I'm just playin' In the Distance: "Tell us about your dream!" What's that? "Tell us about your dream?" Who said that? Where are you? Yeah, that's original. I don't get that every day. "Hey man! Tell me about your dream, man! I had a dream, man! It was like, I was at home, but I wasn't at home." No, no. Continue. I've never heard that one before. "Tell us about your dream!" Fuck you. I have other dreams too you know. I dream about history. Do you guys ever dream about history? Here's something weird about history -- I know that cavemen invented the wheel... But do you think that disabled cavemen, invented the wheelchair? What? Oh I can talk about lynching this white guy, but I can't make a joke about disabled cavemen? Are there any disabled cavemen out there? I'm sorry if I've offended you! There! Are you guys okay now? Can you laugh at that joke now? I do impressions. Here's one of mine I do. Here's an impression of a racist inventor from the 1960's: "You see, it's like a water fountain... But for black people!" Haha, ohh okay, you guys liked that one. So if you're taking notes out there tonight guys, racism - funny. Disabled cavemen - NOT funny. All right, I'm Martin Luther King Jr. That is my time, thank you very much, and enjoy my holiday! Goodnight everybody! Thank you. Good night.

Mom: Have a seat on the couch, honey. There’s something your father and I would like to talk to you about. And for once, it’s not your grades! Dad: Barbara, please. Anyway, we were talking, and look – we know you’re having sex. You’re in college. I had sex with tons of women in college. Mom: You met me at the end of first semester freshman year, Ron. Dad: That was a tremendous October. Mom: The point is, your father and I have been making love since the White Album came out, and we think it’s time that you know how we’re doing it. So you can learn the tricks of the trade. Dad: We started off simple. Missionary, you know. Your mother doesn’t like to be on top. Mom: I do enough work around here! Dad: But she got adventurous soon enough. One night, we were going at it the usual way, when suddenly I put your mother’s knees to her head and clutched her face with my hands. Her legs were up and wiggling all over the place. Mom: We looked like a ladybug trying to get upright! Dad: Well, she was hooked. She went right out to the library and borrowed a copy of the Kama Sutra. Can you believe it? This from a woman who won't even eat at an Indian restaurant! Mom: I don't like spicy foods. Dad: I told you, not all the food is spicy! Mom: From there, the sky was the limit. Your father has entered me from every angle mathematically possible. We used to just sit around making up new positions, until he had the heart trouble and the ulcer. Dad: We’ve also done it in every room of the house. And every room of the neighbors’ house. Mom: Don’t tell the Thompsons. But you know, our favorite place to do it is in your bed, because it’s a twin. Restriction leads to inspiration… it’s like writing poetry with meter. Dad: Speaking of which, are you familiar with the poem “The Red Wheelbarrow?” Because that’s the position we were in when you walked in on us. Mom: He doesn't remember the time he walked in on us. He was only five. Dad: No, I'm sure he does. He stood there for a moment before he ran away. You remember, right? Mom: Anyway, these days, we have strange habits about reaching orgasm. Your father can’t climax unless Foreigner is playing. And me… well, you tell him about my thing. Dad: For your mother, sex is intrinsically tied to emotion. And her happiest memory is of the day we became a family. So the only way she can get off is if I pleasure her with a dildo wrapped in photos of you and your sister. Mom: Don’t worry, they’re baby photos. Dad: The point is, everyone has their thing, so you need to be open to experimenting. Mom: That’s right. In fact, let’s go to that Indian restaurant tonight! Dad: Barbara, look at you! This is why I love your mother. They kiss passionately. Dad: Family dinner time!

In the beginning, we were all fish, swimming around in the water. Mkay? And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its... mutant fish hands... and it had buttsex with a squirrel or something and made this... retard frog squirrel... and then that had a baby which was a... monkey fish frog... and then this monkey fish frog had buttsex with that monkey and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made YOU.

My life is spiraling downward I couldn’t get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like “Stab my heart because I love you” and “Rip apart my soul” and of course “Stabby rip stab stab” And It doesn’t help that I couldn’t get my hair to do that flippy thing either…like that guy from that band can do….some days you know... I’m an emo kid, non-conforming as can be You’d be non-conforming too if you look just like me I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face I’m almost emo enough to start shaving my legs Cause I feel real deep when dressing in drag I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag Our dudes look like chicks and chicks look like dykes Cause emo is one step below transvestite Stop my breathing and slit my throat I must be emo I don’t jump around when I go to shows I must be emo I’m dark and sensitive with low self esteem The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween I have no real problems but I like to make believe I stole my sister’s mascara now I’m grounded for a week Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies I can’t get through a hawthorne heights album without sobbing Girls keep breaking up with me, it’s never any fun They say they already have a pussy, they don’t need another one Stop my breathing and slit my throat I must be emo I don’t jump around when I go to shows I must be emo Dye in my hair and polish on my toes I must be emo I play guitar and write suicide notes I must be emo my life is just a black abyss... ya know..it’s so dark. And it’s suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip, tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans...which look great on me by the way. When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction Hearing songs about getting dumped gives me an erection I write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses I tell my friends I bleed black and cry during classes I’m just a bad, cheap imitation of goth You can read me “Catcher in the Rye” and watch me jack off I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life If I said that I like girls I’d only be half right I look like I’m dead and dress like a homo I must be emo Screw xbox I play old school Nintendo I must be emo I like to whine and hate my parentals I must be emo Me and my friends all look like clones I must be emo My parents don’t get me ya know They think I’m gay just because they saw me kiss a guy… well, a couple guys …but still, I mean it’s the 2000’s, can’t two…or 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay I mean, chicks dig that kinda thing anyways I don’t know diary, sometimes I think you are the only one that gets me…you’re my best friend I feel like tacos

And Shepherds we shall be For thee, my Lord, for thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.

urrrr

from a guys point of view: We don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls you every now and then, but all the time is BS. Or a guy calls at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning. ____________________________________________________ Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. ____________________________________________________ Yeah, you can quote me. ____________________________________________________ Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in. LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T "FEEL BAD" We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say "thank you." ____________________________________________________ Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know nobody's looking we'll be more impressed. ____________________________________________________ You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are. honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up ____________________________________________________ Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. ____________________________________________________ Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Justin London, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartny is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. ____________________________________________________ Whatever happened to the word "handsome" I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of. on the other hand, im not saying I woulndnt like that either ; ) ____________________________________________________ Girls, I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY, DISCRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION , AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ...

food i have eaten in the last 5 day s chicken noodle soup(blended) tomato soup(blended) spaghetti o's (blended) baked beans(blended) peaches (blended) boostvanilla strawberry and chocolate x 10000908325235 encanta x124124312 chocolate milk strawberry milk white milk peanut butter milk shake disssssssssssgusting............. ugh i want some food like right now hmmmm food like chicken al fredo mmmm and popcorn stupid jerk dad making his popcorn today when i can not eat it urrr hmm i wanna hamburger too and some chicken fries hmm i saw a commercial for them seeing as chicken is good and fries are good hmm hunger.... ugh and my lips look disgusting on the inside as i can not lick my lips and i have a cold soar rumble rumble rumble

well i am out of the hospital and seeing as i have nothing better to do then sit on computer i will probably start using this more so i don't go crazy but not now now it is nap time like it has been for like the past 15 hours hmmm nap time

stitches come out in 40 minutes woooooooo