yesturday, something wierd happened. for the first time in a long time i had a random thought about my grandmother. it has to be the most detailed thought i have had about her sence that night she died. i had pictured this little clock she had kept by her bed on a nightstand. it was small and in the shape of a rectangle. it was an awfull color green and made this wierd buzzing noise. i have no clue how i thought of that. i never payed all that much attention to that clock. so i guess it just means that i am not really over this whole situation. i wish i could have thanked her for all the things she did for me. i know that i have done nothing to prove to her i can make it. i just want to be able to say that i made her proud. i guess that leads into my choice in moving to bloomington. two-thousand plus miles away from everything i have ever known. i know i cant move back unless i accomplish something great out here. i have too much pride for that. i need to get through school. collge is too important for me to screw up again. i am twenty years old and have almost nothing to show for it. the only things i ever learned were things from the wrong side of the track so-to-speak. i grew up too fast for my own well being. i have no choice but to do well from here on out. i will not allow myself to fall into some crack in the ground.