so here i sit... i know i want to write but i dont know where to begin nor start... yes i do... i just dont know where i am... i think im a pretty shitty boyfriend... and i am pretty sure that most people who know me would agree... its not due to cheating or abuse or things of that nature... i think i am just to simple for most people... i have grown to love the more simple things in life... i crave these things... gaming, cards, football, etc. ... so when i have to deal with and take on and tackle lifes more tricky adventures i dont have motivation... maybe motivation is not the right word... i lack the conviction... here i am in a place where i have nothing but love flowing towards me... i have love it... i just dont know what to do or more so how to handle it... i want things simple... i think that i feel that in order to be a decent indiviual that i have to give up my simple routines... but they are mine... they have always been with me... they are not escapes... they are passions... i work my ass off and sometimes i just want my passions... this is also not to say that i am denied any of them but i feel as if i cannot because of everything else... its sad... sence i stopped gaming i feel like i lost a very important person in my life... honestly its the best way to put it... i have always needed variety and i am stuck with no outs... i know what life is about... i know that i dont have much and i am pretty damn sure that it will stay that way... so i conclude that it sends me shivers when i cannot have my simple pleasures... i want to be content... but i never will be... happiness is a temporary state of mind... the same with sadness... but if a person can remain content throughout life then they are the true winners... i need balance... i need stability... i need a fucking lude...