Sometimes we meet people only for seconds.... Maybe sometimes for minutes...Maybe only an hour. But They stay with you forever. And it's always the weird things that stick if ya ever notice.... Like in 2nd grade I was in cheerleading, Soccer, and Gymnastics. There's this girl, She's a year under me in skool and we had Cheerleading and Gymnst classes together. I always remeber her. We talked maybe twice in the whole 12wks of the programs but I still remeber her name and she knows mine. We never talked seriously about anything. Just joked around. She goes to my skool. I ran into her in 6th grade, And man I was surprised. I don't know anything about her but we both reconized each other. We've both grown, and Matured but yet we knew each other. I still see her from time to time in the hallway and I can recall things that happened in those classes. It's really strange. She's in Student Council come to find out. I guess she never stayed in either of the courses. I guess this journal entry is gonna be mostly about friends..... Who I really wanna talk about is Scott....I hadn't heard from him for 4days so naturally I was flipping. he hadn't checked his voicemail, Nor his email and he hadn't IMmed me. My 1st thoughts were maybe he decided to take a "Rest" at the psy ward. But then I was like nah he wouldn't. Then I was worried that he had done something stupid. For some reason though my heart told me no. I finally had the chance to talk to him today. He popped up out of nowhere and said I Love you and then said nothing more. It really scared me because I didn't know if he had done anything. Turns out he is going through hell. Panic attacks started up, He's physically and mentally sick. I can really feel his pain.... I so badly wish I could be with him and just be close, Assuring him that we'll get through all of it...That we'll make it to the end of the rainbow. I admit it. I'm Afraid for what the future holds. Both of us Aren't the most stable people. We both have our good times and our bad. I spent all of last weekend, depriving myself of sleep, Cutting my wrists, popping pills because I didn't want to go on, I didn't want to feel anymore emotional pain. It gets to be too much. You get too overwhelmed. And during that period, Scott talked to me and used the guilt trip which he knows works with me. If he hadn't stayed up and talked to me those nights There's no way I would be here right now. I was dead set on killing myself. And the only thing that kept me going and still does, is the thought of us meeting one day, and walking on the beach holding hands. I'm a hopeless romantic, what can I say? But I know he's having hell now. Tell ya the truth, I wouldn't blame him if he finally did what we all can't bring ourselves to. If he did, I know I would be heart broken. But he's in pain, and one can only take so much. Whenever I talk about suicide, He always says He wouldn't be far behind if I did it. Now reality has set in, I'm not extremely suicidal at the moment, So I mean yeah. Anyways. If he ever commit suicide, I question myself. Would I follow? or would I do something else? It's a 50-50 I guess. if I were to do something else. I, would start a Foundation to help others. A Program that reached out to the depressed, To people who need an ear to listen to, People who need a voice when it comes to insurance and Anti-depressants. Maybe one day if I make it thru the teen years I'll start a program called "Silent Wishes Heard" SWH.....Would be kind of kool to help people that couldn't get help. I'd have the best trained professionals who had an idea of what the kids felt, It'd all be free and Confidental... What keeps me from seeing some one about my issues is I'm afraid of my parents finding out. Maybe I could help kids out.... Share my experiences, Advice, I could employ all my friends. We could get national attention.... Just dreams tho I suppose. Anyways....As I was saying about Scott, I hope that I can help him through these times like he's done with me. I vow...That for as long as I am here, I will help him through anything and everything. That's what Best friends do. This is my first time ever being a real friend. Back when I hung with Molly and the others, We played games. Who could get more dirt on the other. i hated it since I had the most shit going on in my family. And then with Sara and them talking behind my back. Scott is the closet thing I have had to a best friend. He's also one of the only people that have ever showed me any Affection. He's the one person that has given me a reason to live. I can only hope that what i do, Will keep him happy.... Guess I better get ready for bed...it's already 4am Peace out