Yeah I felt like writing more. I'm so tired. During the day the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I can come home and crawl into bed. I have no energy for anything. I stare off into space during class. I get Anxious walking down the hallway. I hate being in a large group of people. I hate when black guys stand near me. In some classes I just sit there and think of all the ways I could commit suicide or what could I use to slit my wrists. I come up with drug interaction ideas. I have fought for the longest time to have just a little bit of happiness. Just a week worth and I would be good to go. But it'll never happen. No way. Happiness doesn't seem to fit into my life. People say I have talent for writing but they don't understand. In order for me to write poetry, I'm deprived of happiness. I can't have both. It sucks. Last Night I sat and stared at a bottle of Aspirin and a bottle of Codeine for half an hour. I didn't have the guts to take them. I know one of these days I'll be pushed to far. It's coming fast. I can feel it. i know the end is near. I have no destiney. My fate is to die. I was only put on the earth because my fucking parents didn't use a condom. Misery is my life...... Man I been making a list of songs that really describe my mood. Here's what I have so far Strawberry Gashes- Jack off jill Fuck the world- ICP Hot dog- Limp bizkit Crawling-Linkin Park I don't like the drugs- Marilyn Manson In the End-Linkin Park A place for my head-Linkin Park **Last Resort**-Papa Roach One step closer-Linkin Park Sweet Dreams- Marilyn Manson Papercut-Linkin Park River Runs red- Life of Agony Purity- Scars of life Made of glass- Trapt Wait and Bleed- Slipknot With you-Linkin Park Hazard to myself-Pink Just like a pill-Pink Family Portrait-Pink entire Twisted Angel album Give me back my sight-Timothy B. Schmit Lonely Girl- Timothy B. Schmit New York Minute- Don Henley keep me in your heart- Warren Zevon Knockin' on Heavens door- Warren Zevon Numb as a Statue- Warren Zevon How will I laugh tomorrow-Suicidal Tendencies No one Hears-Suicidal Tendencies I hate life....I'm going to bed to wallow in my pain