Wellz....No new news on Nick yet.....I'm startin' to get realliii worried...I miss him more then anythin......I'll alwyz luv mah Nicky....no matter what Talked to Allan....he requested I send him my writing notebooks....I have his addy now....so either i'll leave a note for those to be sent....or send them myself the day before I do anything.... OMFG I am so pissed off. One of my buds told me they're doing construction somewhere down the train tracks so the trains wont be running through here for awhile....Dude that was my fucking method!!!!!! Gah....I'm pissed off........The onli other track within walking distance is the one in IN and those trains go by soooooo fucking slow. So either I must wait the return of my train....or hang myself in the forest during the night. What to do.....what to do.... Threw up blood earlier.....i found it amusing...lol......when I brush my teeth in the morning...Yeah i gargle..heh shut up.....and like I had blood from the back of my throat. wonder if it has anythin to do with the swallowing of the bleach? eh maybe i dunno....dude now i suddenly have the urge to screw around with bleach and pop rocks cuz I don't have drano....but i don't have any pop rocks. Will have to get some at the candy store after skool..... Should be doing my homework right now....but i don't feel like it...so will do it durin studyhall....gotta luv havin it 3rd hr. The guinea pig is lickin the rabbits ass....lovely.... My room is moderately clean! will never happen again. Man I'm reallii wonderin when am I going to catch the bus. If Nick is okay....then I won't....but if he does....I am gone.....I just don't know when. I wonder why i am still here after so many attempts. It's like I had to wait for a certain time. I think i am about ready. Reallii have no ties or anythin to stick around for except Nick.....gawd...I miss him.... Wonder if this was the onli reason for my existance? to just end up onli to see the age of 15? Don't know. Allan talks about "healing" and all that.....Reallii don't believe any of that is possible tho. Don't know......confused....Seems like I don't know anything anymore. Well.....gonna sit back....listen to "Suicide is Painless" the cover by Nick Drake... RaZoR wHoRe