Yeah, well this is different isnt it, Jen writing something in the middle of the week.... Taz has left me :( Not good, leah isnt talking to me for some strange unknown reason, probably the main one being because I was ignoring her after yesterday so she decided to ignore me back....Fair enough i guess....Meh, we will see what tomorrow brings...I just dont like bitching behind other peoples backs...So I don't do it, I figure if you have a problem with someone you might as well confront them about it instead of talking about it behind their backs.....I also don't like being bitched about....She will get over it I guess.... I hate school, hate the people there, hate gettin in shit everyday and trying not to get suspended. I wish i could live but Im determined not to give up..Im better than that... I have been thinking lately and I've decided something, tonight is the last night I am ever going to think of him again (yeah right). I need to be fully over him. I hate him and everything but there is something that is not disapearing and its annoying me because I am always so close to getting with somone and he comes into my head and it fucks you round...So here are some things I never intend on saying to him.... . one . i know you're with someone else now. going out and everything and maybe you will be together forever but she is fucked up and so are you so basically all that you are both doing is simply- just having sex, and that's probably all you'll ever have between you because you are the biggest player. . two . you lied straight out to my face that you were with anyone. I didn't ask anything but straight-forward questions. "are you with anyone?" "no." NO would constitute that you are not sleeping with anyone. and were you? .. who knows, probably . three . when i said all those many months ago, "what about ---" you said .. "you're still the one in my heart." then i lost it. my throat went dry and my eyes filled up with water and then the tears just flowed out as i tried to breathe through all the confusion going through my head. and then i felt sick. completely nauseated. I couldnt swallor, I couldnt breathe. It was disgusting- just like you is. But that was the first time i had ever felt so sick from your words that it had a physical effect on me. and of course, I just took it . four . i reveal to your friend that it took me forever to get over you, and i dont think i could handle having to do it again. he says that you're the one who is going around calling me a slut and saying all this bad stuff about me and yes ur the one who is "fucked up" and that is supposed to make me feel better how?? i was so confused by everything i told him i had to go to sleep & he says "alright, but let me know if we can still hang out." I am getting over it. I swear. It's just a fucked up process because everytime I am incredibly close to being over him, and even the few times i swear that i am, he comes back into my life and breaks down all the walls i have painstakinly built up again. and you know what- it needs to stop. He cant tell me to "go kill myself coz Im a filthy whore" and threaten to bash me with her and then go lie about talking to me and being friends with me again...Its bullshit and pathetic...Just like him...Anyways, thats the last time I am ever writing about him, its been almost 6 months now. Im over it, Im moving on....... --------------------------------------xX It was like coming this close to your dreams, and then watching them brush past you like a stranger in a crowd. At the time you don't think much of it, you know we just don't recognize the most siginificant moments of our lives while they're happening. Back then I thought "Well there'll be other days..." I didn't realize that was the only day.