i came to a conclusion last night...that andrew and ski can both go to hell as far as im concerned...see andrew rang me and i said that we needed to work things out and he was like why and i said bcoz theres a problem n he was like there is? n i said yes...and he reckons he ddint no there was a problem until i bought it up EVERYONE ELSE CAN SEE THERE IS ONE WHY CANT HE n he reckond if there is one its all my fault so he tried turning it back onto me by saying im jealous of him and ski which i am NOT and i told him to avoid the subject and we went round in a circle for like 10 mins saying that and then i said that i wasnt going to ring him nemore, if he could see there was a problem and was willing to admit that maybe hes wrong just this once then he could ring me and i would willingly listen but until then i couldnt coz its slowly killing me and hurting me way to much and he goes ' well then thats ur loss jen isnt it..now' and he hung up on me' Then about 10 mins after that ski asked me what was wrong and i said nothing and she goes why do u always say nothing is wrong wen its obvious that something is and i said there isnt and she goes tork then..say a sentence and i said heres a sentence for u 'andrew is a prick' and she said whys that and i told her and then she goes fukn great frend u r and i said scuse me but who is the fucking person that was going out with him 8 days after we broke up and who is the one that sat here and said i just want uz to be happy even tho it was killing me and she goes well ive liked him for 2 yrs jen...and at least wen uz were going out i was tryna ruin things for uz like ur tryna do and i said i woulda thought 13 yrs of me being friends with u woulda meant something well obviously not ill leave uz both alone for good and pretty mcuh told her to go get fucked and blocked her. Ive been to hell and back for her...after everything in the past 13 yrs we have been thru together...especially wes dying i never thought things would come to this. WTF have i done. U no wat...maybe it is my loss but one day she will leave him and one day then he might realise what he has lost becoz then he will have NOTHING. I have been there for him non stop, i have lost friendships with ppl i have known my whole life, i have dun wateva he has told me to do, i have put up with his bullshit and abusing me when hes in a bad mood. And he fuckin goes and does this. Argh. FUck him. Im like literraly drained physically and emotionally. And u no wat as much as i hate him right at the moment im trying to push away the fact that there is a huge hole in me and i miss him more than anything and i still love him...i cant let that take over me....Hes a fucking prick...and i have been saying to so many ppl....he isnt like that...he wouldnt do that..hes not being himself. Well you kno what. He IS like that and he WOULD do that and he IS being himself. I could just never see the bad side of him...only the good things...never the negative aspects... Im so confused about everything with lochie...like i dont no wats real and wats not...whether wat he says is true or whether its just something fucking round inside my head and i dont no if its real..I have no proof i just have to beleive what he says...and im really not into beleiveing and trusting what guys say at the moment...coz all guys r pricks and they all lie and no matter what they they will leave u, they will treat u like shit and they will hurt u.me and lochie is just some far away fucked up distant dream inside my head that will more than likely never come true..