I just told 2 people that I like someone, and I don't even know if I really do. I'm so stupid. They're going to tell other people who will tell his girlfriend and she'll get ticked at me. I don't want to deal with any petty problems like that. I like him a little more than a friend, and that's it . . .for now. But Chrissie and Sam think I'm madly in love with him and didn't give me chance to explain. I didn't even want Chrissie to know. It's not that I don't trust her. It's that I don't know if I can trust her. He CAN'T know. Especially since it's not entirely true. I'm just worrying over him finding out and getting scared away for nothing. He's just a close friend, but I said that because I feel comfortable and safe around him. Like nothing could ever go wrong. I want to take it back. His exgirlfriend is my friend and she would kill me if she thought I liked him. Even if she wasn't in the picture I wouldn't like him all that much now. It's not like I'm deathly afraid of her getting mad at me, so I won't like him. You can't control who you love or like. I guess it all boils down to this: I'm afraid of people finding out something personal about me that's not entirely true and starting a fight over it. Been there, done that. Deja vu just isn't what it used to be. I guess I'm just upset that my love life is currently flushing itself down the toilet and there's always something or someone standing in the way of me having a decent relationship. Hopefully something will work out. I just wish I didn't say anything. My big mouth has cost me lots in the past . . . hmmm . . . how long would it be . . . uh . . . life! I just can't keep stuff to myself anymore. Gotta love diaries. Boy can I type forever. I'm probably gonna just finish this, check out byrdy's and rin's stuff and then go think about this and call myself stupid a million times. Kay? Byes.