Wow. It's been 2 1/2 months since I've written. Things are going awesome! I just read the top line of my last entry and it says that Chris and I are going out. Well, I'm not exactly sure which time that was, but to fill you in, we've gone out 4 times total. The last time, he broke up with me with "the note" from 2 years ago. Immature! Any way, two days later we were friends again. Weird. So, since then, I have changed completely. I don't really care about anything around me. There's bigger and better things ahead of me, and I can't be distracted by things on the side I'm already passin by. I'm now with Alex. It's going really well. This is currently the best relationship I have ever had. Our first kiss was 5 days after we got together. Amanda still likes him though. It's kinda, no wait, really funny how she acts. She's still got these stupid poems in her band stall saying that when he was around her all the time and she was ignoring him and trash talking him, that she loved him and he hated her. Flip it sweetie!!! They really suck too. I could write better poetry and I hate the stuff! She ran out of the room today when Alex and I were cuddling in the corner. And a few days ago when we were hugging. And after we got together. And at the playoff game when we were talking to each other. She also spread rumors that we were "fooling around" on the bus. Yeah right! Like I would do that on the bus! It feels good to write again. I made counties. (4th chair!) I made Districts. (5th in my room) I'm trying out for Regionals. I'm sending in an audition tape for Governor's school. I'm supposed to ask when All Easterns is. I've got a lot on my plate. I need a break from music, but I can't get it. Things are going great with Alex though. yesterday was our 2 week-er. We're exchanging Christmas presents on Friday. Apparently, he spent a SHITLOAD of money on me. I feel awful. I spent maybe $15 on him total, and he bought me a lot of stuff. I told him not to over and over, but he said that he wanted to because "I was worth it." I guess he thinks he has to buy my love. But the thing is, I think I would get pissed off at him if he spent a lot of money. HE GOT ME SOMETHING THAT IS ALIVE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! What the hell am I going to do? I am scared to death that my parents are going to kill me for whatever he got me, or I'll end up killing it. Whatever it is, that's what he spent a lot of money on. Everyone knows and it's driving me crazy. I am scared to death of what it could possibly be. I don't want my parents to get mad at me. I don't want anyone to think I'm going out with him just to get something like this. I don't even know what it is. I told him not to spend a lot on me, but he spent every cent he had. I don't understand! I'm not going to like him any better if he gets me something expensive. I'm going to kill him! Why?! Why would he get me something living? I'm so irresponsible I can't even take care of myself. Sometimes I don't eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom because I don't have time or I just forget, or a combination of the two. If I can't remember I have to take care of myself, hope am I going to remember to take care of something else. These are the two clues I have gotten: It's alive I have to take care of it to keep it alive WHAT THE HELL?! I can't do this. I can't take care of anything else. I am so scared to death of what this could possibly be. It's Alex. It could be anything. I just don't want it to be any kind of pet. I would love a plant compared to a pet. I can't take care of it!!!! HELP!!!!! I just want to know what it is. I'm sweating what my parents would say. I'm sweating having to get through the school day with whatever it is. I'm sweating having to take care of whatever this thing is. I don't have room, energy, or time for anything like a pet or anything else I would have to take care of. What am I going to do? What is there for me to do? HELP!!!