Well, it been a long time since I last wrote... and to tell the truth not much has changed. I passed the exam that I was previously worried about! YAY. ...and now there's only a couple more months to go before I finish my degree. Scary huh? I'll be out there in the real world next year... and I'm going to miss being a student I can tell you that. Still not over Bernard (ex boy)... and had an interesting convo with him this morning. Basically if I say the word we can get back together :) Just gotta sort my shit out...

exam 2moro... feel completely unprepared... shit. shit shit shit but... on a brighter note... if I pass, or at least get 28%... this will be my last exam ever... ...well, unless i decide to commence another degree... but still... shit... exam 2moro.

Life. The clock continues to tick, as I wait to see what lies around the corner for me. Not much has been going on, yet I've been pretty busy. Uni lectures are over for this semester... but I've still got scripts etc to write and hand in, and one last horrible exam - which I am just not looking forward too! But once I get it out of the way that Media Comm finished forever... provided I pass of course. Today I've got my shooting script due for my documentary... which is kind of daunting!! It's due at 4pm... it's now 9.23am. So I'll be spending most of my day trying to sort it out. Joy. In other news, I have applied for a intership-type job during the 'holidays'. I've applied to work at Greenstone Pictures, one of the more well-known production houses in New Zealand. Someone is heading away for a holiday, and she's looking for a temp replacement. So fingers crossed. It's kinda cool because a mate of mine is mates with the girl who's looking for a temporary replacement for just over a week. And he was telling me that he put in a really good word for me. You see about 5 of my class mates have applied for this position as well. The lady asked my mate, who do you think would be best. And from what I can gather he was like... Brigid would be best. She's really organised etc etc. YAY. I appreciate most is the fact that Blair thinks that stuff of me. Cos, I know he wouldn't have said it if he hadn't thought it to be true. Man, I'm finding it hard to construct sentances today... brain no work. But yea... I think I've got major respect from most of my classmates. Which is inspiring. Ciao peoples. Script writing time.

After scanning over the moods... I've decided that I feel distant. I'm in that dreamy place right now... like I'm not quite in reality. It's weird. I'm distant. I'm in at Uni right now. Fun fun fun. I'm exporting my finished version of my CCV (corporate and community video) as a dv file so that I can create a dvd. mmmm... and it's taking awhile. my body is slightly aching. i think im tired. What a messed up journal entry... i think im just gonna leave it there and see how this exporting is going... ciao beautiful people

I find that I come to think about dying more and more these days... now don't get me wrong... i'm not thinking of taking my own life but somedays i'll be driving then suddenly i'll think... what would happen if i didn't make this corner... what would happen if i lost control... what would happen if i died... would anyone notice... would anyone care... what difference would it make... i'm losing motivation

It's interesting how drinking a juice from a juice box, complete with a bendy straw attached to the side, can be so comforting.

MY MUM AND SISTER GET BACK FROM CHINA TOMMORROW! How cool is that?! I never thought I'd say it... but I did miss their presence around the house. However, in say that, I did enjoy being pampered by my Dad. He's been real sweet to me. I love my Dad. Been a while since I last wrote... and a lots been happening. I'm still super busy at Uni. Just handed in research for my doco. I've decided that I'm going to make a documentary that looks at why guys decide to become Catholic priests. I'm getting really into it. I think it's gonna end up having a great influence on me, and my faith. I feel really blessed. In other news... Bernard told me that I should marry him the other day when we were talking online. ...And I agreed with him. I knew that he was just messing with me, and trying to freak me out... so I thought I'd have fun and try and mess with him instead. Ended up having a fantastic convo about when we'd get married, how many kids we'd have etc etc. ...and then I got freaked out and changed the subject, lmao. I still don't know where I stand with him. And I know that he doesn't know where he stands with me. I mean... I went to my mates 21st the other night and we didn't even talk. I noticed that. And, I found out that he made a comment to his mate about how we didn't talk... which really made me stop and think. The fact was that we did briefly talk... but he was too drunk to remember. Also found out that he's been mixing his pleasures... and has started to smoke weed. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, it's his choice... but he never used to. What's changed in his life that makes him feel that he has to take drugs? So, I'm a lil worried about him. Blair's halted his advances on me for the moment, for which I am glad. I think he got the message from me. Pete's been a real sweetie... textn me and calling me beautiful. He wants me to go to the movies with him. Jarret sent me a text the other day to tell me how pretty I looked that morning. I had my hair in two plaits.. and he said that I looked really cute with my hair that way. yea... so stuff with my boys continues... and I can't say that I know where I stand with any of them... we'l see I guess!

Could it be that after two years... I'm still not over Bernard?!

I am very sleepy... very very sleepy! It's been one hell of a loooonnnnnnng week, and now I'm sitting here at 11.51pm finishing off a stupid essay about 'Technological Determinism and Futurism' ...blah blah blah. I stayed up most of last night to do it, I worked on it most of today... and yet, it still needs work and definately a conclusion! I am at the point where I just don't care anymore. YAWN Sucks when you can't get excited about a paper at Uni. 'specially when all my other papers are pretty kick-arse! I go out for my first day of filming tommorrow... wish me luck! I'm actually really nervous. I hope it all goes well. This is the first assignment where it all really comes down to me... this video is turning into my baby. Let's hope it turns out ok in the end. Back to the assignment I go... I need sleep... so I need to finish it quickly. fun. p.s. feel like I'm finally starting to 'click' with the tv crowd. blair and I are going to the movies next week... which i'm really looking forward too. shows he does regard me as a friend too. not just a classmate who he sits with sometimes. i find this so uplifting. im really looking forward to next week now.

random happy thought... jarret said I had depth. No one has ever said anything like that to me... made my day.

I'm at the point where I just don't like who I am anymore... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "Suppose nothing happens... suppose you never meet anybody, you never become anything... then you die and nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hall... "

Why is it that when a family comes together for a holiday... they have to have a bit of a fight? My mum always seems to find something to be angry about around holidays. From memory a couple of Easters ago she was upset in her room... just as she is tonight. An hour or so ago both my sisters came into the house crying, and my Mum, also upset, went straight to her room and closed... no excuse me, slammed the door. Ahhh... Holidays! Bloody Fantastic. Although it's all over now, I've sought refuge in my room. I'm sitting on the computer, listening to Shrek 2 in the background... "It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from." Love Shrek! Didn't get much homework done today... and doesn't look as though I'll get any done tonight. Work tommorrow morning... homework in the afternoon... oh, and must watch One Tree Hill! I'm a sucker for crap programmes :) Bring on the chocolates tommorrow... YAY! I'm bound to put on a bit of extra kilo's... I'm also a sucker for chocolate :) hehehe. Hope the Easter Bunny was kind to everyone!

www.savetoby.com I stumbled across this website... and found it quite entertaining! The thing I can't get over is that some people have actually contributed money to this guy! I mean, rabbits are slaughtered for our food all the time! hmmmm... interesting? I thought so. Haven't done much today... my rooms a mess... I've been meaning to clean it... but keep getting distracted by the Sims... yup, I'm a geek!

Well... it seems as though I mention my procrastination skills every 2 or 3 entries... and once again I find myself doing so. I've got an assignment due tommorrow morning at 10am. Less than 12 hours, as it's now 10.41pm. I've researched it... although not very well (my bad!). And now all I have to do is write the damn thing... and do you think I have any inspiration to do so? NO! I have to write a 3 minute script for a non-fiction television story. 10% of my final mark for non-fiction writing. I've decided to do my on Destiny Church... and the Absolute Abstinence programme that they have. The Destiny Church actually scares me. I fear that it is very much like a cult... and I apologise to anyone in NZ who may be a part of it, but that is my perception. I'd never met anyone from the church, but then a new guy started at work... and guess what? He's part of it! I found it really interesting talking to him. And thought it would be a great topic for a 3 minute story. However, now I am scared that my apparent interest in the church - which is primarily because of the assignment - might make this guy think that I'm going to be keen to sign up to this 'cult-like church'. eek. Hope not. I'm happy with my religion and my beliefs thankyou very much. Yup. Writing Time... I want to get some sleep tonight :)

So stoked... just turned on the tv and low and behold what's on? A re-run of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! HOORAAH! Exactly what my sickly body needs right now. I've been sick since early Monday morning :( I started to feel better... went back to uni yesterday... and then last night... SICK AGAIN!!!! Gross. I'm still feeling a lil quesy today... which sucks big time cos I've got my first assignment due tommorrow. Another thing I'm gutted about is the fact that I had a meeting with my video 'client' today, for my Corporate Community Video paper. I felt so unprepared and unorganised! I'm a bit of a control freak as well... so yea, not cool. wait a sec... hold the boat! Where's Jay on this episode??? There's another random gay guy... so not the same... so confused. Ummm... yea... so I'm trying to get better quickly, which as yet isn't working as well as I'd hoped. lol. I'm also trying to get this assignment finished - it's not like it's long or anything, I just want it to be good because its the first assignment of the year. I'm meeting with my tutor tommorrow morning to go through it (yea, I know thats really cutting it fine). Hopefully there won't be too much wrong with it... and I can hand it in by 4pm. Wish me luck.

Yea... it's only week two of the semester, and already I find myself slipping back into my old nasty procrastination habits! ah well... nobody's perfect. Apart from that the semester is off to a pretty decent start. Loving all my papers, loving all my tutors and lecturers, and getting on pretty well with my fellow tv-ers. Life is good. Feeling a little lonely though. I've been separated from my closest friends tammy and toni... tams doing journo and tones is in multimedia. We only have one lecture where we're altogether! :( One teeny tiny hour each week. Sucks. And I'm yet to feel like I 'click' in with the other tv people. It'll happen though, I'm sure. Yea...

Well... I thought it was about time I posted a photo on my diary. Excuse the cheesiness... it was taken on my birthday, and I'd had a few drinks, lol. Yup, thats me... I'm going to get more photos from that night off my friend soonish. YAY.

I actually feel more 'bombarded', but that wasn't on the list... so overloaded will just have to suffice for today. I've just got home from my second day at university, as a television major. (still can't believe I'm actually a tv major!) And, I must say, that I am feeling the pressure already. Yesterday we got to do a lot of practical stuff. We got out the cameras and were focusing, white balancing, learning more about neutral density and filters etc etc... the whole lot. Man, after three hours of trying to understand all the technical gobble-de-gook my brain was mush. Later in the afternoon we had a class called 'Corporate and Community Video'. And basically in this class we're making a video for a 'client'. *Shudder* The word 'client' scares me... it's like this is a real job, this video is going to be used... YOU CAN'T STUFF IT UP!!! ...fortunately, everyone else (the other 15 tv majors) are feeling as overwhelmed as I am. We got given our clients in class. We didn't get to pick. We just drew them out of a hat, well actually out of a brown paper envelope. I'm doing my video for a Centre for Refugee Education. It's going to be used in their primary school section, and is about appropriate classroom behaviour. From the brief: "We envisge the video would show examples of appropriate behaviour in a NZ school as well as in our centre. "Routines would include things like: Lining up, taking turns, mat time, putting up one's hand..." hmmm... it's gonna be interesting. But working with kids should be fun. I think I'm might use my diary to voice some ideas for this project, and would love any feedback. We'll see how it goes. Also gotta start thinking about what I want to do for my documentry, which we will plan this semester, and film next semester. So much is going on. So tired. Yea...

I AM THE BIRTHDAY PRINCESS

So... it's my Birthday tommorrow. I still can't decide whether I can be bothered doing anything. It'd be kind of tragic if I did nothing. But then, do I really want to see everyone? Can I be bothered organising something? Would people even come at such short notice? and... What the hell would I do? Have pondered on the idea of heading into the casino. Because, as of tommorrow night, I'll legally be able to go there. But *shrugs* I dunno. It would be kind of mean though, because a few of my friends still aren't 20. *sigh* What to do, What to do. Aren't birthdays supposed to be fun and exciting?!