i feel like being deep, do you feel like reading? yeah i guess so... i find that i have taken upon the curse of wanting to be with people i concider friends and i am not sure why...am i doomed to want to have relationships with friends? i feel as if i am creating the illusion of "something might be there" within people who nothing was ever there...and yet i find it hard to realize this...but now everthing has changed...ignorance is bliss, but to be blinded from reality by something one's self created out of lust and want to be with someone is not bliss...it is foolish, self-centered greed based emotion...me and ryan debated this and we decided the point of living is to find true love...true love can only be mutual and cannot be something made up...and when the illusion one creates to fill that void in one's heart for the lack of truw love what they are actually doing is making the void worse and in a sense digging their own grave for when they realize the connection was never there and never existed...no longer will i devote myself to the aspect of someone...if i devote myself it will be to someone and after we are dating and if i feel the connection is mutual...so long questers for true love i wish you best of luck that i have not found... -nathan-