my mind spirles with hundreds of thoughts and images, i see you all, with your lifes, and your way of dealing with things, and i feel excluded, i feel like im having an out of body experience looking down at things seeing the diplomacy and bullshit and everyone in my life trying to tell me how to run it and none of them actually proving anything, and as it happens i can see the flaws in there life but they care not because mine are so much easier to pray on, and they all expect something of me, like i am the poster boy of teenage life, i see Joey, as he hangs out with the co-workers and he gets mad that i don't want to visit them, and he gets made that i stay home alone with the curtians closed and the door locked in the dark as i contimplate, and he gets mad that i can't be around people, that i leave the room everytime Christina shows up, and he says i am freaking people out and that im losing it, but i don't care, i'm home right now but soon i will be back, and i wish i was alone, i wish i had no emotions or no ties to feelings, i wish i could just work all the time, and have surface friends, like hey how you doing wanna hang out like friends, but as more and more i look to my friends more and more i feel less connected, No one can give me what i want, and none of you ever will, so don't give me advice, don't ask me whats wrong and don't pretend like you care, cause deep down everyone cares about one thing, and that is theirself, are my views flawed, are they? good well Fuck You, cause they are my views, and i am tired of everyone pointing out my flaws cause it isn't helping the situation, if you can't respect me or my views then maybe you don't need to be in my life, i don't care about all your views, i will listen and debate them but i don't try to fill your heads with what to do and what not to do leaving you so confused people think you are fucking insane, wanna know my extent of hearing ryans problems? "so what's going on ryan?" "three girls asked me out this month, im going crazy" "oh who" "i can't tell you" "i think i know anyway" bam done, thats it, i wasn't trying to give him crazy ideas or plans or nonesenical things that don't matter, just making conversation, and if you are reading this and thinking about what i am saying and trying to fit yourself into what i am talking about stop it right now, because enuff of this bullshit, i am writeing from my head at that is it this is not directed at anyone, and i mean that, i'm tired of people getting pissed off at me for what i say to certian people, cause people talk and stuff gets interepeted with the fudemental attribution error and then i got to hear the shit later and i can't deal with that right now, so as you read this i want you to think, think in your mind, are we friends? what is a friend exactly? and how can you be so sure we are friends? do i feel the same way and on the same level? if you don't know why don't you know? we are friends right? you should know? if you don't know then i guess we aren't friends? do you want to be friends? well then lets just hang out, i got wednessday and thursday off, you know my cell number why don't you actually call, if you want to be involved in my life well i want to be involved in your life, i just want to hang out and have a good time, where i don't have to think, and i don't have to feel uncomfortable, but if you just want to never see me, or talk to me, or hang out with me but think you have an influence in my life and give me advice you are sadly mistaken, you don't know me, most of you never will, i don't care, i don't know you, that doesn't mean i wouldn't want to, but there is only so much i can do without a vechile, so you know where i am, it is where i will be, -nathan-