I feel happy right now because I got to hang out with my friends... but at the same time I feel depressed because I lost Felix. I don't know what to do... I want to just kill myself at the loss of him but at the same time I want to live for my friends... I feel awful for saying this... but right now my friends don't matter that much to me and I wouldn't be too upset if I decided to leave them forever. I wish I could just die. God damn this eternal forsaken world!!!