WOO... man I haven't written in forever! Many changes, many many changes. Felix and I are friends... which I'm happy for... but I feel bad because now I'm dating this guy named Danny and I'm pretty happy with him. I just am feeling so horrible lately because Felix called me in tears this morning and he said that everything was wrong and I know that its mostly caused by danny and I dating. I know that felix wants me to be his and only his and in all honesty I want to be only Felix's but I can't do that when hes in germany. So, basically, while hes gone I'm dating another person because I want to be 16 and just have fun being a teenager. Because in every aspect of maturity I'm about equal to a 20 year old. I know that and even my parents know that and even my 19 and 20 year old friends have told me that I'm as mature as them if not more mature. I've just had to many things happen to me in my life that I've grown up way too fast. Dating people and having fun with that and my friends is my last and only way to keep some of my childhood while it lasts. I know Felix doesn't understand this because I've tried to explain this to him before and it doesn't work. So right now I'm just trying to have everything be ok with Danny (which is hard when I just want to catch a plane to germany now and hold him in my arms and tell him everything is gonna be ok)and I'm also trying to get through 11th grade and have fun with friends. AND WORK! oh goodness! I am gong to be so busy with work next week! I have one day off and I'm averaging about 4-7 hours a night ON TOP OF SCHOOL! my life is going to be turned upside down with me trying to juggle school, work, homework, friends and danny. GUH! Jamie (my boss) wants to just kill me... I know it... I bet I'm gonna get all stressed out and then my grades will drop and then I won't be able to see my friends because my parents will say that i need more time for homework and then i'll have no life because my day will consist of: wake up, go to school, go to work, do homework, sleep... and then repeat! WHERE IS THE FRIENDS AND DANNY??? :( BAH HUM BUG! I WANT IT TO BE CHRISTMAS BREAK! Well... next year I was thinking about doing running start... just so that I could concentrate on grades for my last year of high school because if I did that I would never see my friends and so I wouldn't be tempted to put off homework. BUT I WANT TO DO THEATER AND I WANT TO DO CHOIR AND I WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS AND I WANT TO BE A STUPID, OBNOXIOUS, TEENAGE HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR. So I can actually act like a kid instead of an adult all the time... being an adult is boring... yeah... hmmm... think I'm gonna find some poetry books of mine and write more poetry. I'll post some sometime WAY in the future when I have time. en masse... yeah... all together... thats a good plan... woah i am so done writing! this is a lot! O.o