things have just been so different and blah lately. i dont know why they ended up this way or what i can do to get them back to normal but this just sucks. i dont konw what went wrong. i keep asking myself why? i cant sit here and not think about things because i get upset or sad, and if i sit here and think about things i get upset or sad as well. every song i hear, everything i see on tv, just everything somehow reminds me of what is going on and it makes me depressed, and it doesnt make it better that in what 5 days itll be christmas. then a week after that new years, how can it get any worse? i better not be asking things like that though because with my luck itd happen. God knows i dont want things to proceed. things may seem like i asked for them to happen but i really didnt, i never wanted thing burden to be put on my shoulders or anyone elses for that matter. but i guess it just happened, im sorry for it, but trust me if i could reverse it i would. i dont know what im talking about now so i think im gonna get something to eat. well to put it better, TRY to get something to eat. im starving but im afraid i may not be able to eat with all this on my mind. im sorry.