To whom it shall concern, *sigh* I got alot to say and I don't exactly know how to put it all in words. For one I am *SO* friggin tired. I havn't slept in days. I just stay up and think about a bunch of crap. I think about what could have been. What if. . . I donno, it's dumb. You should never look back at your life and say you regret something. When I die I want to look god in the eyes and tell him I used everything he gave me and that I have no regrets. If I died right now, I would never be able to say that. There are so many things I regret and so many things I know I could have done better. I always think of how it was all so normal last summer. Before I moved, before my brother went away, before I met some people, and before everything got *SO* freaking screwed up. Where the hell did it all go wrong? I wonder were I would be and what I would be doing if I never moved, my brother never went away, I never met those people, and nothing became screwed up. It's like I wouldn't have half the problems I have now if I never moved. In some ways thats good and others it's bad. I mean I became really good friends with alot of people that I had never even talked to before. The bad side of that is now some of them I don't actually talk to anymore. Then there is my old friends. I mean don't get me wrong we will always be friends. But, honestly you cannot say that things have not changed between us all. I mean I have alot of new friends that I wasn't that close to before. take Tracy for example. I mean we were friends before but we like knew nothing about eachother and we didn't really talk. Now that I ride her bus and everything we have become closer. Then there is the people on my bus that I probally never would have become so close with if I never moved, like for example, Mike and Ashley. I mean before I would have never said that I would be close with those two. but, now I tell the alot of stuff. Theres one ting that I am not even gonna mention. I mean it was good. While it lasted. Once it was gone it was gone. Just, no comment. Things just could have been extremly different. It's sometimes scary to think that things could be that different. I donno. I just had to say that all. I just seem so distant from things. Like I'm just *SO* out of it all. Ugg. Theres nothing I can really do about it all. I mean how do I not think about the "what if's..." There just there I and I know things could be different. I have alot more to write but I kindo of forget. I am EXTREMLY tired and I can't remember shit right now. Thats what I get for staring at the stars all night. . .right Mike? Well anyways...Night *~Johnna~*