Just jammin joshua gracin Baby, the clock on the wall is lying It's not really that late It's too cold outside to be walking around the streets of this town Anywhere if you think you have to be can wait (Baby) Why don't you stay with me Share all your secrets tonight We can make believe the morning sun never will rise Come and lay your head on this big brass bed And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me, yeah Baby, there's just no use in hiding The way that I am feeling right now With you standing there baby I swear I can't help but stare Girl you're wearing me out, wearing me out (Baby) So why dont you stay with me share all your secrets tonight We can make believe the morning sun never will rise Come and lay your head on this big brass bed We'll be alright as long as you stay with me Baby don't go it looks like it's starting to rain And it's so warm here in this apartment wrapped up in this blanket Stay with me Little Big Town I feel no shame I'm proud of where I came from I was born and raised in the boondocks One thing I know No matter where I go I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks And I can feel That muddy water running through my veins And I can hear that lullaby of a midnight train It sings to me and it sounds familiar And I can taste That honeysuckle and it's still so sweet When it grows wild On the banks down at old camp creek Yeah, and it calls to me like a warm wind blowing It's where I learned about living It's where I learned about love It's where I learned about working hard And having a little was just enough It's where I learned about Jesus And knowing where I stand You can take it or leave it, this is me This is who I am Give me a tin roof A front porch and a gravel road And that's home to me It feels like home to me I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks You get a line, I'll get a pole We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole Five-card poker on a Saturday night Church on Sunday morning You get a line, I'll get a pole We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole (Down in the boondocks) Five-card poker on a Saturday night Church on Sunday morning Say a little prayer for me rascal flatts Staring at you, taking off your makeup Wondering why you even put it on I know you think you do, but baby, you don't need it Wish that you could see what I see when it's gone I see a dust trail following an old, red Nova Baby-blue eyes, your head on my shoulder Wait, baby don't move, right here it is T-shirt hanging off of Dogwood Bridge That river was cold, but we gave love a chance Yeah, to me You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom That sunset river bank, first-time feeling Yeah, smile and shake your head, as if you don't believe me I'll just sit right here and let you take me back I'm on that gravel road, look at me On my way to pick you up, you're standing on the front porch Looking just like that, remember that I see a dust trail following an old red Nova Baby-blue eyes, your head on my shoulder Wait, baby don't move, right here it is T-shirt hanging off of Dogwood Bridge That river was cold, but we gave love a chance Yeah, to me You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom That sunset river bank, first-time feeling I see a dust trail following an old red Nova Baby-blue eyes, your head on my shoulder You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom That sunset river bank, first-time feeling I see a dust trail following an old red Nova Baby-blue eyes, your head on my shoulder You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom That sunset river bank, first-time feeling

Wow..i dont think ive written in this thing in like almost a year.I just havent had time and theres been so much drama...I have been married for a year and a half and i was the best husband and father ..or i thought i was the best husband...because yet again after marrying her twice and givin her 15 years of my life she cheats..but thats touchy..but neways i turned 21 in july..ive been in custody battles with 3 of my baby mommas..i won..(for now)so i moved nd i stayed in texas. But thats hard when you want your children in certain private schools and they all have to see their grandparents..nd then there moms are in different states.. i fly back to maryland everyday to go to work.speaking of work..i am in my senior year at UMD..im almost done interning at surburban hospital..next fall i decided that i would go to vt for medical school..and in the next 4-8 years earn my phd and become the neurologist ive been waitin to be but in the meantime ill just be a normal er doctor. my dad bought me a black on black 2006 Lamborghini Murcielago with diamonds incrusted in the rims and in the seats which are platinum and the trim omg its bad u gotta see it..i think it cost him like 600,000..i can die a happy man now..just had to rub that in for petey. skylers stlakin me again..i guess since she thinks im available..she dumped her boyfriend but i dont want her..thats the 4th bf she did that to.Ive been workin 48 hours straight lately because maryland got alot of the hurricane katrina victims and we gotta treat em but even if i didnt have to i would anyway..well i actually have to go make my rounds now so i will finish this later...peace ASHLEY

My Best friend..my best friend …ur wiser than me ..4 years younger nd amazing.ive talked about her in my diary before but never like this.I thank one long distance relationship gone bad cos if it hadnt i wouldnt have shrump.I look at the shit ur going through and I think wow I got it easy. Ive never met anyone person like ya.u truly is one of the strongest 16 yr olds ive ever met.I owe u alot for the intellegence that i have.One thing that pisses me off is the way these guys mistreat u and im just like woa because u dont treat a girl with such a beautiful heart nd mind like that.The worst feeling in the world is seeing u hurt and then i hurt nd then i hurt even more cos i know i cant do shit about it but tell uthat everything will be alright and to hold on.Maybe yall r readin this nd r like wow ok big deal but once yall have gone to hell nd back millions of time maybe ill write about u. All i know is u deserve alot than what she gets.If you had a friend like her ud know what i meant.Sometimes there r no words to even describe the greatness.Ur not the type to turn ut back even wen ur day couldve been as shitty asmine,u sit n talk to meabout it..give me some kind words nd n no time i got a smile on my face.shaff uve been there for me wen i needed u the most and i want u to knoe no matter what im gon always be there when u need me.call me at 4 in the morning if u must.Like i always say nd said b4 we all we got nd if nobody on this earth loved u ima always love u nd try nd be there for u neway i can.U stay strong nd if u cant ima stay strong for the both of us ..i hope G is alright and if shes as strong as u then i know she is.U keep on keeping on and don’t let a bunch of assholes nd there bullshit tear you down or make u cry...keep standin tall..Ash

today has been ight.I went to the doctor today..for my annual 5 year check up..the holes still there and my heart beats still irregular..but im strong bitches.Im tired tho,I think the fact that they uped the dosage of all my meds is making me so tired nd krazy.Im back to having a schedule with my psychiatrist nd psychologist..3 times a day for the nex two months for both..with 2 hour sessions.Lately ive been feeling shitty..i dont have time to play with my kids or take em newhere cos im never in the mood cos im always drained or sick.Somthing good happened yesterday,my dad fell on ice and hit his head nd he then continued to get back up 2 more times then fall back on his head and neck.He has a mild concussion and cant remember a damn thing.I hope he stays like that so we can juss put him away in a home nd tell him he has no family nd let them have their way..sike im not that mean.Im so lonesome..Heaven and Angel are in miami for a month with their mom ..randi's with her momma down in katy and britney took the girls and devin to california to see her mom..so home alone till wednesday.friday im goin to missouri to see the best of the best cas corey and jay,,then were gon to erie pa to see petey and brian and my sister.ight well bout to drive down to austin to see my dad nd my stepmom ..be easy TADEMS better than all the rest..SHE REALLY IS

Go ahead and take your best shot, Let er rip, give it all youve got Im laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,I may stumble, yeah I might fall, Only human aren't we all? I might lose my way, but hear me when i say, I will stand back up, Youll know just the moment when ive have enough, Sometimes im afraid, and i dont feel that tough, But I'll stand back up, I've been beaten up and bruised, I've been kicked right off my shoes, Been down on my knees more times than youd believe, When the darkness tries to get me, Theres a light that just wont let me, It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes, But I'll stand back up, I've weathered all these stroms, But i just turn them into wind, so i can fly, What dont kill you makes you stronger, When I take my last breath, Thats when I'll just give up, So, go ahead to take your best shot, Let 'er rip, give it all you've got, You might win this round but you cant keep me down, Cause I'll stand back up, And you'll know just the moment when ive had enough, Sometimes im afraid and I dont feel that tough, But I'll stand back up, Youll know just the moment when ive had enough, Sometimes I'm afraid and I dont feel that tough, But I'll stand back up.

Ima talk about the bad depressing stuff first.I know i havent been on here in a while but ive been really busy nd december just isnt my month.my cousin surcame to cancer on christmas eve and that was juss sad because she was 29 with 2 kids nd looking at her there just made me so appreciative of what i have and of my life.i dint wana go to the funeral b/c i knew i wouldnt beable to handle so i juss went to the wake which was probably as bad.Now that shes gone im more worried about my gamas cancer b/c i knew my gama looked at crystal as like a support nd she tried to take care of crystal nd now that shes gone i dont want my gama to be discouraged nd lose the fight against cancer.R.I.P. Crystal.Two days later i had to face the music nd visit my brothers grave.Its been two years nd ive only visited twice.I dont knoe i was scared to death to go,it was like tryna throw a kid who cant swim into the 13 ft of the pool nd their juss so terrified.I didnt go nd i feel bad b/c tho hes younger its like he raised me nd taught me so much.i owe him my respects.Right now im not interning at the hospital because of my stableness..Dr.Malkoff doesnt think im ready to become anybodys Doctor let alone heart surgeon.Im not sure if thats good or bad because now i get time with my kids but at the same time my careers on hold b/c he thinks im not mentally stable.I have to go back to seeing my personal dr i wont say shrink,i guess theyll probably give me higher dosages nd then i should be okay in a few months.I juss try not to think about it. Now on to The good stuff in my life.My wife nd my kids.My daughters were born january 3,2005 in Dallas Texas.Cheyenne came first then cassidy,chasity nd charish.Unfortunately i was not able to be there b/c i was n md at the time but there beautiful.Ill get some pictures nd all that nd weights as britney gives them to me.Heaven nd Angel just turned 2 on Dec 28..can i juss say there 2 goin on 21 but they can finally wipe their own ass.im so proud of em.Devins mad cos now its all girls nd one boy..nd randi shes been in maryland with skylers family since xmas.I saw kaylynn on saturday she really does look so much like chris..but ima leave it at that b4 i juss lose it.Happy New Years to you all nd be safe..peace Ash j

Ima be juss random writin so wen i switch it up..b ready..Well i juss back from indiana a few days ago...im never goin back.It was bad.Me and britney have been talkin nd talkin nd its like were fine again.I realized alot of our prblms r mine fault.i noticed that I pick fights with her juss b/c.It seems like my marriage its going so perfect that i need to fight juss to be manly..its gay i knoe.but yea so the kids are back from texas nd so is the wife..things are goin alot better.I now know where my heart truly is.Weve been working on everything and i kinda had to think about where shes coming from nd what she goes through being 21,married nd pregnant wit 4 kids nd has 2 sons already plus 3 stepkids.I love her for the fact that she pushed errythang back for me.I talked to my parents nd they told me that i shouldnt completely give up on being a doctor nd besides i got accepted to harvard medical school.I guess that means i'll officially be Dr.Reed in a few years..Im doing better tryna not think about the bad stuff.the 2 yr annvr. of my brothers death is coming up soon..i got to see his daughter tho..shes gonna be two soon.I think shes gonna move with my mom nd then i get to see her everyday..she reminds me of chris so much with the cheesy smile but its cute nd shes juss so adorable.I want an enzo ferrari for hannukah so please believe i will be hittin up the padres pockets.Altho i barely got time to study bleave it or not im passing all 6 of my classes.Melissa,Erin nd Chase..i miss yall nd i hope yall r doin fine n college nd down n south carolina...move back to maryland lord knows mom misses u nd so do i.i didnt get to wish my sisters a happy bday..HAPPY BELATED 18th BDAY Missa nd Edawg.Well i gotta go..Cas Corey Jay -20 yrs i love yall to death..yall my mans St.Louis proud nd we gon ride till we die..petey nd brian..my mans for 4 yrs yall been through alot wit me nd i juss wnna let yall kno

Man lately i dont knoe wuts been wrong wit me.Its like i have everything in the world but im still unhappy.I made up my mind nd i decided that im continuing college but im gonna finish up in pre med then switch to business and marketing.im giving up interning at the hospital because after i get out of college im not goin to medical school like i planned.I realized becoming a doctor meant i have no time for my family or my friends.I dont know what ima do with my life now but i hope im doin the rite thing.This week has been terrible..first of all my marriage is fallin apart all b/c we fight over her clothes.i swear i feel like were back to bf and g/f all over in h.s.as soon as we get in a fight she wanna cuss me out nd throw stuff and juss leave wen she want.even wen we have those moments where shes wrong ill juss b like baby im sorry nd shell just b like ashley shut the fuck up i want a divorce.Then like 3 hours later she comes back nd apologizes b/c she was wrong but its so bad that i expect it to happen.thats all she ever says cos shes so use to having things go her way nd maybe since we were in middle skool ive spoiled her but she acts so childish sometimes.i think im gonna call dr.phil.Man i juss dont understand how 2 ppl whove known each other since they were like 6 months old,dated for 4 years could still have so many problems.Sometimes i wish i never let girls get in the way of me and my basketball.I go to court tomorrow for another child support battle hearing but this time with kendalynn.The kids not even mine i wish we could get some dna test results back already.welcome to the life of me.im really tired i think ima go to bed.. oh what can i do girl..so much in love girl but ur frineds got u thinkin nd its affecting u..juss thinkin of someone..where r u wen i need u the most p.s. does ne one knoe how to put more than 1 pic on ur sit?

okay so whats up..yea im back.I wanna thank the ppl who gave me encouragement nd support during the time of my gamas breast cancer.she had the surgery nd she did great.she now has to do chemo nd she doesnt want to but its either that or risk gettin cancer again.So 2 very bad things have hppnd in the past 2 months that juss crushed me.First my ST.LOUIS Cardinals LOST.Not only did we have the best record in the mlb nd won the most consecutive games but we lost to the Red Sox.I swear i dont knoe wut made me wanna cry more them losin or bush winnin.the Second thing is Bush...how are we gonna survive the next 4 yrs with him.We can kiss the economy goodbye.Anyways ive been workin so hard..Im startin to get use to being called Dr.Ashley Reed but im not likin the lack of sleep or lack of family time.I havent seen my kids or my wife in a month.This is why u never marry a doctor ppl.I get to see them this weekend though which cant come quik enuff. Shaff...I havent forgotten about u..u hafta call me..I MISS YOU Devin,Heaven,Angel,Randi..Daddy Loves yall and Britney i miss you baby ..daddy will be home soon

Im soooo tired...but im gettin a break...cos i dont have to work all week.I found out a few days ago my gama had a tumor in her breast nd she finally told me she has breast cancer.i didnt know what to say i juss sat there like nothin happened.i dont wanna say im not worried but i kno my gama is the strongest woman ever nd she will get through nething.I think im more scared than she is but i didnt wanna cry to make her upset.i kinda juss sit back nd watch all the people close to me die..after devin and tj and my brothers death then mike clark and donna nd rod i really am gonna need help if my gama dies.I look at my life nd i think wow because ive been in 12 car accidents in which there were fatalitys nd somehow im still alive but in the past week in maryland 10 teenagers have died in car accidents nd i feel that pain so imagine their parents.Well im not finished but i gotta go so ima get back at yall all..

well i aint write in this in forever.my cpu has been broke nd ive been doin alot of work.I go to college in maryland nd i also work n md but i live in texas and i travel back in forth so i have no time for nethinf nemore.Well ive been married for 8 mnths.in 3 months me nd my wife are xpectin quad girls..weve decided to name them charish jayden cheyenne cacen chasity ashlen nd cassidy kayten reed.i dont drink anymore nd my life is so much better nd i just feel great.i dont party anymore cause i dnt have the time..but i graduate college a year earlier nd then im off to medical school at yale,va tech or indiana bloomington and thatll be another 4 years of school.Heaven and Angel are getting so bad..theyll b 2 soon and so are randi nd devin...hell b 9 soon nd shell b 1 ..i swear it seems like there so much older.I was in indiana last week and it was really kool..i mean i drove and it took 3 days then i left back out for texas the next day...kinda pointless.My life is still the same cept that i dont party,drink and cuss..u mite say its boring.Im really tired,i think in the last 3 months ive gotten about 4 days of sleep.I been talking to skyler lately and it seems like her and nathan are happy so im happy for them.Well to all the ppl nd my friends i hvnt been able to see or chill wit..hopefully ill have time soon nd i miss all yall but im out..peace Ashley J

Basics || 1.Full name : Ashley Jared Reed 2.nicknames :supaman,monkey,prettyboy,trukillah 3.sex :all man 4.birthday :July 21 5.age :19 6.star sign : cancer 7.place of birth :Missouri 8.current residence:maryland 9.hair color : brown for now blond later 10.height :6'2 11.writing hand : right || BODY ills + Skills || 12.do you bite your nails : sometimes 13.can you roll your tongue : nah 14.can you raise one eyebrow at a time : yea 15.can you blow smoke rings: i dont smoke but yea wen i did 16.can you blow spit bubbles : yea 17.can you cross your eyes: nope and i aint gon try cos ya eyes can get stuck 18.colored hair: it is BROWN for NOW 19.tattoos and where:on my back,my kneck,arm 20.piercing and where:tongue,ears 21.do you make your bed daily:who else gon make it..i do wen im not lazy 22.what goes on first bra or underwear:i dont wear a bra so deff my boxers 23.which shoe goes on first :i hate wearin shoes..i dunno 24.speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone:yea my dad,mom,sisters,brothers,girls 25.how much money is usually in your wallet?: 26.what's sexiest on a guy :$600 only cos i keep gettin robbed so thats all i carry 27.would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great :look good and be late 28.do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it :i dont eat it 29.how many cereals are in your cabinet :like 12 30.what utensils do you use eat pizza : my hands and teeth 31.do you cook :wen my mom dont bring me somthin then yea || Grooming || 32. how often do you brush your teeth :mornin,nite 33. how often do you shower/bathe:mornin and nite and wen im done muddin 34. how long do these showers last :i aint like yall females and take hours..soo mm i duno 35. hair drying method :self dry somtimes then sometimes blow dryer 36. do you paint your nails : no 37. do you swear :All the mothafuckin time 38. do you mumble to yourself : yea wen my momma around and i say somthin cos she mite bust me in my mouth or sumthin 39. do you spit in public : Hell yeah 40. do you pee in the shower: yeah 41. what's in your cd player :Andy Griggs 42. person you talk most on the phone with:i dunno im not a phone person 43. what color is your bedroom :the colors of the dallas cowboys and the texans 44. do you use an alarm clock : nope 45. name one thing or person you're obsessed with: obsession is nasty 46. window seat or aisle :aisle 47. what's your sleeping position:dont knoe 48. what kind of bed do you like :nething i cant get my freak on 49. in hot weather do you use a blanket :yea its a habbit 50. do you snore :no 51. do you sleepwalk :i wish i did then id have a good reason to end up in some girls bedroom 52. do you talk in your sleep : ive been told i do 53. do you sleep with a stuffed animal :no wen my daughters sleep with me they have there care bears and dora and all that 54. how about the light on :uh im 19..been past that 55. do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on : Radio || WHEN WAS THE LAST Time YOU || 56. had sex :Last nite 57. were kissed:today 58. watched bambi:like a lotta xmas;s ago 59. cried :rite 60. talked on the phone:yesterday 61. read a book:last week 62. punched someone:2 days ago || Music || 63. is music important to you:yea life would b bad without it 64. do you sing?:i do but i knoe i cant 65. what instruments do you play?:Drums,guitar(a little) 66. what do you think of Eminem:i dont..i mean i cant stand him || Do you like || 67.pop music:a lil 68.rock music:yea 69.punk music:nope 70.rap music:yea 71.hip-Hop/R&B:some 72.country:THATS MY KINDA MUSIC 73.classical:hell no 74.new age:Uh uh 75.what is one band/singer you like that no one has heard of?:Josh turner || RANDOM || 76. Who is your role model:i dunno 77. What are some of your pet peeves:fake ppl,stuck up girls,gay ppl 78. Have you ever liked someone you didnt have a chance with:Britney spears,martina mcbride,sara evans,rebecca lynn howard,deana carter..i mean there all famous thats y 79. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex:ima be a man and plead the 5th 80. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after:yea girls with light hair and light eyes or light eyes and dark hair..not to much of a girly girl and loves the country 81. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s):No not ne of my bestfriends 82. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you:yeah at one point 83. Would you rather be dumper or dumped?:doesnt matter 84. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup":hookup..relationships fuck u up 85. Want someone you don't have right now: yeah i do..but that wont ever happen 86. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend:girl..yeah all the time 87. Do you want to get married:been there done that 88. Do you want kids:got 4 89. Do you believe in psychics:no 90. Do you believe in love?:not nemore 91. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance:my eyes and my 6 92. What is your favorite part of your emotional being:i doont kne 93. Are you happy with you:yea 94. Are you happy with your life:i guess so 95. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be:the girl i love would come to realize that somewhere she still loves me and that if we dont even go to how we were i still wanna be friends [[CURRENTS]] 96. [ Current Clothes ]Im with stupid shirt,Nike shorts,sandals and an A&F hat and boxers 97. [ Current Mood ]kinda tired..feelin goofy 98. [ Current Music ]nothin 99. [ Current Taste ]raviolis 100. [ Current Make-up ]dont wear none 101. [ Current Hair]hat on..its a bad hair day 102. [ Current Annoyance]all females 103. [ Current Smell ]cherry somthin 104. [ Current thing I ought to be doing ]washin my cars 105. [ Current bath Desktop Picture]my cousin whos a soldier in the us army 106. [ Current Favorite Group ]i dont have juss one 107. [ Current Book you're reading ]dont got one 108. [ Current CD in CD Player ]andy griggs 109. [ Current DVD/VHS in player ]texas Chainsaw Massacre 110. [ Current Color Of Toenails ]i dont paint nothin on my body.. 111. [ Current Refreshment ]A bottle of Jack daniels and a glass of kahula 112. [ Current Worry ]..my health || FIRSTS || 113. First best friend:Cas corey Jay Big devin 114. First car:Benz c320 115. First job:Fitch 116. first screen name:LilStlunatic6 117. First self purchased album:Garth brooks 118. First funeral:Devins 119. First pets:Dog 121. First credit card:15 122. First big trip:14 to jamaica 123. First play/musical/performance:freshman year..talent show || Who was the last person || 124. Kissed you:Shelby 125. slept in your bed: shelby 126. Made you cry:no one 127. You went to the movies with:friday with my brother and we saw a sneak preview of mean girls..then saturday with the badasses..SD 2 128. Yelled at you:dad 129. Sent you an email:i dunno some hoes || BLAH|| 130. Ever Said "I love you" and meant it?:yea 131. Kept a secret from everyone:yup..am rite now 132. What time is it now?:3:34 133. Apples or bananas?:apples cos bananas wont sound rite but theyre good fruit 134. Blue or red?:both 135. Spring or Fall?:Spring 136. winter or summer?:I hate em both 137. goth or punk?:prep/redneck 138. What are you gonna do after you finish this?:drink a cold one 139. What was the last meal you ate?: last nite..chips and burgers 140. Are you bored?:nope 141. Last noise you heard?:the tv..wathcin rugrats 142. Last smell you sniffed?:cherry 143. Last time you went out of state/province?:month ago..to texas || Other Info || 144. Criminal record?:ha yea..the good ol days 145. Do you speak any other languages?:yea hebrew 146. Name favorite things in your bedroom?:handcuffs,condoms,my basketball hoop,cpu,stereo system 147. Thing you dislike about yourself the most:my voice 148. Worst feeling in the world:Not havin the only person you love in your life and thats all u want so u feel theres nothin left to live for || Finish the sentence || 149. I Love...i cant say 150. I Miss...Amber 151. I Wish...that i could go see shrump in indiana and amber 152. I Hope...that i live a loong life 153. I'm Annoyed by...Fake ass mothafuckin ppl..and girls that talk to much 154. I Am...tired 155. I Want it to...Go away

Well today was an okay day.i wasnt as tired as i have always been.I did what i love doin the most..played wit my badasses..and i took em out and we just enjoyed the nice weather..for once.I played a lil ball and i was rusty..see what happens wen u dont play in like 5 month.Last night i was tired but i decided to go out with my buddys we went muddin and stopped at the honkytonk but then we left and went to coyote ugly..which is like HEAVEN cos britney megan and kristina all work there but damn there were some good lookin girls there..and i kinda hooked up with a few girls in the bathroom and Britneys pissed off and shes also pissed off at the amber sit E ation..one of these days i hope she realizes we aint together nemore.But i stayed there for like forever,i dont even remember leaving.Cant wait for that again.But yea i kinda am messin with one of the coyotes now..she came over today and we went out for a lil bit then back to her place..hit a quickie then i took her to work and i came back here.Tonite i wanted to go out again but i cant im gonna just stay home and watch randi cause skylers goin out tonite.But thatll be good cause im writin a new song and i need to get it finished if i ever think country radio will play it..but if anybodys a good songwriter holla at me cos i have a feeling this gon take a while for this one.Well thats it for now..peace Ash

Well i havent written in this thing lately.But so much has happened and i guess yall should knoe.Well since the last time ive written in this..i got divorced,my baby girl randi lynn was born,i dropped outta college,i moved into my own house,i quit my job but i went back and im goin to this school/alcohol and drug program called phoenix cos i dont wanna go to rehab.Ive been sick alot lately and i knoe the reason why but thats not stoppin me from living my life,im not goin to the army juss cause i now see that i do wanna live just a little bit longer. I juss got home from takin my badasses for a ride and to get slurpees and all that good shit.I had to work for like 3 hours today which isnt that bad..Ive been talkin to shrump alot lately and thats even better cos i tell her everything and were both goin through shit but we gonna be alright..but onto other things ok so neways..amber came down from texas last week..and it was great cos its good to have somebody from back from home well texas to keep you grounded and just be that 1 person yu can have fun wit no matter whats goin on in your life.We did so much up until we passed out but it was all good.I think we both kinda realized that we have too much fun and we got kinda carried away..and shit got hott but the worst part is that shes dating one of buddys down in texas and its kinda weird cos i remember everytime id go to texas when i was little and amber was little id change her diapers..so i never thought i would actually ever have feelings for her other than being a bestfriend.Well ill tell yall more later but i have to go feed randilynn..peace Monkey

so im sittin here listenin to kenny chesney nd thinkin bout how great of a day today was.Springbreak is 8 days away...i thought it was in april for some reason..alcohol can really damage a brain.I went to class again..nd i did somthin ive never done in my life...i went to TARGET..snap it up fo me.I mean if yu knoe me then yu knoe i only wear Fitch,Jcrew,juss xpensive name brand shit nd i think that if yu pay less then $70 for pants thats not good pants.But target was okay,,i mean i still wouldnt shop therre but they have fine ass girls therre nd thats the only reason ill probly go back.But other than that thats the bigg whomp of the day.I was thinkin all day today bout how i could make money off of a clothing line called Stryctly Pimp nd for females stryctly pimpette or sumthin like that.But yea other than that im still counting down the days till the Britney concert nd then the kenny chesney concert nd the Beyonce concert..good god...beyonce is like Dayummmmnnnnn...but yea neway brooke took heaven nd angel to get their ears peirced again cos they closed.I juss realized how much i love kids even more than i thought,nd fo yall who keep sayin there adorable..thank yous guys.WHoooo CANCUN ND MORACO ISLAND...spring break..im gon be OC..if yu dont knoe wut it means ask shaff.man im tired...i have to work tomorrow i think nd i really dont feel like it,so i probably wont go.Petey i need a new drum set so we gotta go buy a new one.Im siced cos im rockin my gpas throwback jersey tha shit is hott so everybody betta go buy it.#44 of the Lakers,JERRY WEST..make sho yall get that shit.i went to skylers last nite..nd i felt the baby kicking it was so nice but i have yet to tell my mom nd dad that thats my baby,i think ill tell them at about the time i drop outta college nd then if that doesnt work ill wait till skyler gives birth...smart huh?...i think im gonna start a sperm donating business.Britty told me that static electricity isnt in yur body but isnt it?cos i coulda swore i have some in my body...it was in my finger.but owell but i gotta go make sumthin to eat so ill holla at this later.

ahhhhhh...It juss dawned on me that we all have only 8 days till we meet britney spears.I hope cameras r allowed this time cos if therre not ima juss handcuff myself to her..sike j/p.but man im cised,wen i meet her ill probly be stuttering nd all ot of order.Everybody should buy tickets for The Onyx Hotel Tour rite NOW.but yea neways im tired even though ive been sleepin all weekend after every party..or passing out neway.Yea ima bout to sum up my weekend.IT WAS ORGASMIC..well thats wut ROCO said but shes juss not normal.my weekend was fun as shit.On friday i went to formal nd i stayed long enuff to b crowned king again fo 2 years in a row.but it was bittersweet cos its the last HS formal i can go to cos yu can only go wen yur in hs nd a year after hs.but yea then that nite i came home nd got ready for my party.While i was gettin ready for my party i was textin shrump nd she was Drunk,it was funny tho nex time ima call her wen she drunk.But thats the only time i talked to her this weekend..thats why my week felt a lil incomplete cos i didnt talk to my supagirl enuff.after my party we went down to coyote ugly which is hott as shit..then thats all i remember but petey said its better than in the movie nd that i was dancin on the bars wit some hott ass girls nd downin drinks from ne nd everybody nd some gay guys were tryna hit on me.so i guess we left.Saturday morning i woke up on my kitchen floor nd heaven n angel were crying nd devin was juss starein down at me nd i was like damn.Alcohol is fuckn me up nd so my mom started yellin at me over that shit nd said i drink too much nd im irresponsible ns im fuckin up my life nd blazay blazay so she tryna send me back to rehab but i refuse to go.So i was takin a shower nd my mom told me somebody called nd it was seppi nd so i called her back nd she wanted to do sumthin that nite.So she came over nd we went tanning,then she went wit me to test the 2005 range rover,mustang and corvette.I liked the range nd corvette for me nd the mustang for my brother so my dad bought em but now i need to draw up some custom ideas to put in my car but then after that i took her to dinner at this country club where we saw yu knoe who but i aint pay it no mind...but then the yu knoe whos started doin shit nd then i called petey nd told him to tell everybody to meeet at redlobsters cos me nd lauren wanted to eat theree so we all met up there.It was fun so we came back here nd chilled for a while then we went to my uncle shannons bar nd back to coyote ugly.It was funnnn.I remembered that whole nite..thats a miracle.We were drag racing that nite which was bad cos we had been drinkin so baddddd nd i was to the point where i couldnt see shit nd everybody else was drunker than a mothafucker nd fo once i was scared that some shit would happen or sumbody was gonna die...nd thank god nobody died but brians dumbass fucked his car up nd his dad is gonna fuck his ass up..he tried to pull off nd he thought he had his car in Drive but it was in Reverse nd he backed into this lil cement thingy nd he kept doin it nd then cas went up to his car nd was like brian wut the fuck r yu doing nd i dont even knoe wut he said or nebody knew cos he was lapsing in words but it sounded like he said im cruisin or sumthin..it was funny tho yu had to b therre to see it so i juss got my sister to come get him.so we put some music on nd we all layed on the hoods of our cars drinkin our hypnotic nd greeygoose nd our jack daniel nd 20/20s in shit nd was juss singin along..those r the good times.The popo came nd we dipped i dont knoe how we all aint get caught cos i ain think i was gon beable to make it home.But sunday i went to church wit seppi cos i 4got i promised her i would go but i had to get up at 7 nd i was pissed off nd so we got to seppis church nd they were singin nd me nd seppi started freak dancin so they kicked us out..nd i was mad cos there were these good lookin girls there..i mite go back next weekend.Well i think for next weekends party me cas corey jay petey brian nd daunte r gonna rent out all the rooms down at the 4 stars hotel or the hilton or somewhere nd show them wut a real hotel party is.Britneys back wit her parents so i guess i can move back into the house cos i really dont wanna be around her.She now wants to talk about shit nd work out our problems which cant b worked out because im tired of puttin up wit her shit cos its been to long nd im getting over it all 1 day at a time.But yea she didnt even stay a good 20 minutes cos we were going at it nd she started hittin me so i kicked her out my house.Girls got issues man im tellin you.I could see if i ever was unfaithful or untrustworthy but i never was so i dont see why im made out to be the bad person.O well..SHIT HAPPENS..PAYACE SupaMan

uhh today was an okay day.i went to class for once nd it was ight.there was spose to be a surprise for me wen i got home today but the surprise is still on the airplane nd i wonder who it is or wut it is..mainly WHO IT IS..moms wont tell me who it is either.But the shittiest part of my day was wen i went to my dads nd he told me that he froze my bank account nd hes takin all my cars away until i get my grades up in my classes...that blew the shitd outta me.But yea tomorrow i have court for custody battle of heaven nd angel nd then another for devin,i aint sweating it though cos i knoe that ne judge in there rite minds would not give an insane 16 year old nd an OC 20 yr old custody of ne children let alone mine.The only 1 of my baby mommas who got sense is skyler nd shes the youngest nd got more since than Britney nd Brooke.Me nd my stepdads children are kinda bonding EXCEPT for the one who stole BRITNEY.But yea im also gettin along wit my dads g/f nd her kids..all 6 of em.Thats too many.But i found out some good news today my mom is gonna finally move to her hometown nd my dads goin back to his in the great state of texas for good nd never comin back to maryland.now i knoe we only came back was cos they wanted to wait till my sisters nd my brother graduate.I have no idea where that leaves me,or my friends or this life cos my sisters r goin to Alabama nd Cali for college,my brother i have no idea wut hes gonna do wit the rest of his life nd jordan nd dominique r too young to even knoe nethang but my mom has full custody of them so theyll be livin down in Lexington wit mom nd billy.But man growing up can be worst than i thought.Life is comin at me too quick.Yea im sittin here thinkin now,about y this girl isnt talkin to me...BRITTY I LOVE U SHRUMP..LEAVE SUM LOVE PPL ASH

Please come to Boston For the springtime I'm stayin' here with some friends And they've got lots of room You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk By a cafe where I hope to be workin' soon Please come to Boston She said no, boy you come home to me And) She said, hey ramblin' boy Why don't you settle down (Boston, Denver, L.A.) ain't your kind of town There ain't no gold And there ain't nobody like me I'm the number one fan Of the band from Tennessee Please come to Denver To see the snowfall We'll move up into the mountains So far we can't be found And throw I love you echos Down the canyons And then lie awake at night Until they come back around Please come to Denver She said no boy you come home to me Now that drifter's world Goes round and round And I doubt if it's ever gonna stop But of all the dreams He's lost or found And all that I ain't got I need somebody I can cling to Somebody he can sing to He said please come to L.A. To live forever A California life alone Is just too hard to build I live in a house that Looks out over the ocean And there's some stars That fell from the sky Livin' up on the hill Please come to L.A. I just said no Boy, you come home to me I'm the number one fan of the band from Tennessee Tennessee Well I drank til I stumbled I drank til I fell When the drunk part was over it hurt me like hell Now I know about drinking so I know one things true Being drunk's a lot like loving you Cuz I loved til I stumbled I loved til I fell When the loving was over it hurt me like hell Now I know what a taste of the wrong love can do Being drunk's a lot like loving you And I've woke up some mornings and sworn off the drink At that I've done reasonably well I think But I haven't done well swearing off you and me At that I've felt miserably Well I've felt the hangover of loving all night I've sat at the bar all alone in a fight I've bottled up feelings and poured 'em out too Being drunk's a lot like loving you And I've woke up some mornings and sworn off the drink At that I've done reasonably well I think But I haven't done well swearing off you and me At that I've felt miserably Well I drank til I stumbled I loved til I fell When the drunk part was over love hurt me like hell Now I know about drinking so I know one things true Being drunk's a lot like loving you Though I know what a taste of the wrong love can do Sometimes I still get drunk loving you. You know sometimes me and my lady have these crazy fights And when we do, it makes me wonder if we’re even gonna get it right When I think about leaving, I think about me What my life would be like if I were back to being free Where I wanna go, what I wanna do I wouldn’t have a soul I’d have to answer to When I think about leaving I think about me You know I’ve got a friend and him and his wife just couldn’t see eye to eye He had all he could stand one day and just packed up and said "goodbye" When I think about leaving I think about him And that little apartment ‘cross town he’s living in Got an old Corvette got a new girlfriend but he only sees his kids every other weekend When I think about leaving, oh I think about him I never will forget her face on the day she told me about her dad How he walked out on her mom when she was just a kid When I think about leaving, oh I think about her Only five years old and her heart filled up with hurt With her little arms wrapped around his neck Saying "Daddy where you goin’? Are you comin’ back?" When I think about leaving, oh I think about her You know the truth is most of the time things are really great And I know we’ve got something special When I think about leaving, I think about us How we’re building this love we share on faith and trust The honest way we talk, the tender way we touch All those nights we spent makin’ love When I think about leaving, oh I think about us When I think about leaving, oh I think again Even though that thought crosses my mind every now and then In my heart I know I would never leave There’s nowhere else on earth that I would rather be When I think about leaving, I think again When I think about leaving When I think about leaving When I think about leaving, I think again His old man was a rebel yeller, Bad boy to the bone, he'd say, Can't trust a color'd feller He'd judge em by the tone of their skin, He was raised to think like his dad, Narrow mind and full of hate, On the road to nowhere fast, Till the grace of God got in the way, Then he saw the light, and hit his knees and cried and said a prayer, Rose up a brand new man, left the old one right there, Here's to the strong thanks to the brave, Don't give up hope, some people change, Against all odds, against the grain, Love finds a way, some people change, She was born with her mothers habit, guess you could say it's in her blood, She hates that she's gotta have it, She feels her glass up, She'd love to kill that bottle, But All she could think about is a, Better life a second chance, And everyone she's lettin down, She throws that bottle down, Here's to the strong thanks to the brave, Don't give up hope, some people change, Against all odds, against the grain, Love finds a way, some people change, Thank God for those who make it, Let them be the light, Some people change, Here's to the strong thanks to the brave, Don't give up hope, some people change, Against all odds, against the grain, Love finds a way, some people change, yea Some people change Some people change Some people change Some people change She hit the door, 6:55 Sack full of groceries split down the side Canned goods scattered all the way to the curb Look on her face sayin "don't say a word" So it's me and her and a can of beans Sittin there on the front porch swing A western sky all turnin red Head on my shoulder, she sighed and said I've been gopherin, chaufferin, company chairman Coffee maker, copy repairman Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man That I don't do I been jugglin, strugglin, closin big deals Dancin backwards in high heels Just when it feels like I can't make it through She said, it sure is nice to just be the woman with you She said, the girl I was with a business degree Probably wouldn't recognize me I was gonna run the bank, I was gonna run the math Now all I wanna run is a bubble bath Back then, ya know, I had this plan Before all this reality set in Here come life, boy, ready or not Hey, I wanted it all and that's what I got Cuz I'm gopherin, chaufferin, company chairman Coffee maker, copy repairman Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man That I don't do I been jugglin, strugglin, closin big deals Dancin backwards in high heels Just when it feels like I can't make it through She said, it sure is nice to just be the woman with you She said, I'm gopherin, chaufferin, company chairman Coffee maker, copy repairman Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man That I don't do I been jugglin, strugglin, closin big deals Dancin backwards in high heels Just when it feels like I can't make it through She said, it sure is nice to just be the woman, the woman with you The woman with you Sun tanned toes ticklin the sand Cold drink chillin in my right hand Watchin you sleep in the evening light Restin up for a long, long night Cause when the sun goes down, we'll be groovin When the sun goes down, we'll be feelin all right When the sun sinks down over the water Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down All day long just takin it easy Layin in the hammock where it's nice and breezy Sleepin off the night before Cause when the sun goes down, we'll be back for more When the sun goes down, we'll be groovin When the sun goes down,we'll be feeling alright When the sun sinks down over the water Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down This old guitar and my dark sunglasses This sweet concoction is smooth as molasses Nothing to do but breathe all day Until the big moon rises and it's time to play When the sun goes down, we'll be groovin When the sun goes down,we'll be feeling alright When the sun sinks down over the water Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down Walking along beneath the lights of that miracle mile Me and Mary making our way into the night You can hear the cries from the carnival rides The pin-ball bells and the ski-ball slides Watching the summer sun fall out of sight There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean Making its way past the hotel walls to fill the street Mary is holding both of her shoes in her hand Said she likes to feel the sand beneath her feet And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland So tonight I hope that I will do just fine And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine There's a local band playing at the seaside pavilion And I got just enough cash to get us in And as we're dancin Mary's wrapping her arms around me And I can feel the sting of summer on my skin In the midst of the music I tell her I love her We both laugh cause we know it isn't true Ah but Mary there's a summer drawing to an end tonight And there's so much that I long to do to you But in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland So tonight I hope that I will do just fine And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland So tonight I hope that I will do just fine And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine Mary I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

well like always im tired.Lately ive been so depressed nd i dunno y But today was an okay day.I had to go to court nd that lasted forever.I talked to cas;s mom nd he came home from the hospital so ima go to missouri to see him this weekend.Mmmmm me nd britney got into a huge ass fight last nite..she told me not to have hoes around devin but i really wasnt payin her no mind nd she got mad cos i was goin to hang out wit amber nd shes tryna tell me wut i can nd cant not today.i mean shit im 19 nd she gave up all rights to tell me wut i can,can not or should not do.startin next week im gon be busy as shit.mondays i got physical therapy,tuesdays i got AA meetings,weds i got family therapy,nd sundays i got to see my pysch nd on top of that my parents tryna put me back in rehab.Im chillin wit Corey nd Jay rite now nd it feelllss so empty witout cas.Im hungry i think i want wendys.I dunno wut ima do for spring break now cos i dun wanna go to cancun i wanna go to South carolina but then i wanna chill wit JJ nd a few of the ballin boiis.uhhh dunno.Im hungry nd angel juss busted her lip on the table..so ima have to holla at this later...but b4 i go Brittany i hope yu keep yur head up.I mean in the end i want yu always be walkin wit ya head held high.I couldnt be more happy of how your life is startin to fall into place,i mean of all people its you who deserves to be happy nd to beable to not get hurt while being happy.Im so proud of how you are standing up for yourself.Damn rite were stuck together cos i sure as hell dont knoe where id be if i didnt have yu.There were times wen i felt like givin up on some things or givin in but cos of yu i kept goin.Now yu see y your my supagirl.Keep on Keepin on SHaFF

well my high has run out nd my drunkeness so i can now write this diary.its beeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn a long long time since i wrote in this thang.So much has happend that yall need to knoe about.For the ppl that knoe me,yall all knoe that me nd britney have known each other our whole lives which is 19 years but only been in love for 8 nd dated for 3 nd we have an 8 yr old son.We juss got married a few weeks ago nd now the Ashley-Britney Saga is over.Me nd Britney are done nd will never ever ever get back together,i mean i love her but there aint enough love to keep puttin up wit wut shes put me through nemore.I shouldve done this a long time ago.Im droppin outta college..it aint for me.Im quttin my job at abercrombie&fitch nd im juss gonna do my own thang fo a while.BUT MOST OF ALL IM SINGLE baybee,,nd its bittersweet but its about time i dont feel so burdened by Love.But lately it seems like everybodys takin there exs back nd im now like the only single one..it sucks but im gonna be alright.Last night i actually cried nd im not a cryer but i cried more last nite than i have in my whole life.Uhhh im aggravated because ive put my whole heart into 1 relationship that i thought would last a lifetime but it only lasted for a total of 8 years wit our on nd offs nd for it to juss all die like this.Ive done everythang for britney,i was there wen she gave birth at 12 nd i was therre wen her nd her friends got caught in a fire nd it was me that saved her life,nd wen she got the shit beat out of her by sum girls nd was left fo dead it was me who saved her life again nd again nd agian..ive gotten shot,stabbed,beat up,lost friends,done time,bought her cars nd houses nd jewlrey nd made my whole life about her but shes still not satisfied.Well wuts done is done nd i cant go back but i knoe i gave blood sweat nd tears nd all my heart but ill never forgive her nd ill never take her back nd i hope she never comes runnin to me wit her shit cos it aint my problem no more.but i hate puttin devin through all this shit...Neways to get off of that..heaven and angel r finally sayin more words than daddy and uh oh..its so cute cos now therre startin to cuss..i mean its better than nothin.But dont yall juss love em..if it wasnt for them then i dunno wutd i do..my kids are my life nd they make living worth it.my gamas condition is fine but its cas whos now sick.I dont even wanna talk about his condition but i knoe that hes gonna b fine nd if yu kneo wut happened then yu knoe that he needs all the prayers in the world.Ive been talkin to britney lately but i wasnt able to for a while cos i was in the hospital...i got in a car accident because i once again decided to drive drunk as if i aint learn from my first lesson when mike clark was killed.Shaff gets me through nethang but lately i jusss seem as if i wanna be by myself nd push everybody away.But time for sum good news...uhhhhhhhhh..mmm well i cant think of ne..so i guess ill write n this thang later.