Ima talk about the bad depressing stuff first.I know i havent been on here in a while but ive been really busy nd december just isnt my month.my cousin surcame to cancer on christmas eve and that was juss sad because she was 29 with 2 kids nd looking at her there just made me so appreciative of what i have and of my life.i dint wana go to the funeral b/c i knew i wouldnt beable to handle so i juss went to the wake which was probably as bad.Now that shes gone im more worried about my gamas cancer b/c i knew my gama looked at crystal as like a support nd she tried to take care of crystal nd now that shes gone i dont want my gama to be discouraged nd lose the fight against cancer.R.I.P. Crystal.Two days later i had to face the music nd visit my brothers grave.Its been two years nd ive only visited twice.I dont knoe i was scared to death to go,it was like tryna throw a kid who cant swim into the 13 ft of the pool nd their juss so terrified.I didnt go nd i feel bad b/c tho hes younger its like he raised me nd taught me so much.i owe him my respects.Right now im not interning at the hospital because of my stableness..Dr.Malkoff doesnt think im ready to become anybodys Doctor let alone heart surgeon.Im not sure if thats good or bad because now i get time with my kids but at the same time my careers on hold b/c he thinks im not mentally stable.I have to go back to seeing my personal dr i wont say shrink,i guess theyll probably give me higher dosages nd then i should be okay in a few months.I juss try not to think about it. Now on to The good stuff in my life.My wife nd my kids.My daughters were born january 3,2005 in Dallas Texas.Cheyenne came first then cassidy,chasity nd charish.Unfortunately i was not able to be there b/c i was n md at the time but there beautiful.Ill get some pictures nd all that nd weights as britney gives them to me.Heaven nd Angel just turned 2 on Dec 28..can i juss say there 2 goin on 21 but they can finally wipe their own ass.im so proud of em.Devins mad cos now its all girls nd one boy..nd randi shes been in maryland with skylers family since xmas.I saw kaylynn on saturday she really does look so much like chris..but ima leave it at that b4 i juss lose it.Happy New Years to you all nd be safe..peace Ash j