im awake and i can't smile right now i have a sad song marathon thing going on right now goddamnit, its only been a been hours since i last saw her leave and now all i can think about now is morbid stuff like "is she going to die on that plane flying her away from us, her family" or if she'll get mugged and stabbed and i'll never kiss her sweet powdered cheek and glare at her warm familiar eyes. shes left me before when i was younger and i dont think ive ever cried over it, just rejoiced for the independency but now im older and i cant stop thinking about stupid and clingy i am