school is almost over...graduation here i come! im excited yet nervous at the same time..i will miss how things are now... im gonna be strong...heck i am strong...cause i know in my heart that it will all be ok one day soon. i know it will... im worried about dre...kev is treating her like shit..he wants her to be the perfect angel right...yet he is far from perfect himself...he is so selfish...he needs to change his act and stop treating her like this...its ruining her. so nabih built this 14=foot long boat out of cardboard and elmers glue and i helped him thursday night until 3 in the morning...im glad i helped him... i hope he knows that i will do anything for him. anytime anywhere...ill always be there for him...and my good friends of course...anytime live strong ~meagz

Do me a favor...and stay away from my son...if u see him in the halls ignore him...leave him alone...he needs to be alone.. this lady talks to me for the first time and she asks me to do her a favor...yea well kiss my ass bitch! We are together and WE WILL BE TOGETHER always!and that bitch will learn she made a mistake...or she will lose a son. that miserable women needs to go back to her country...and live by her vicious rules... BUrn in hell...Im the best thing that had come into her son's life, and she just cant see the truth..i cant wait til the day we wed, and to see that horrid look in her face...ill just spit on her with dignity...and walk out of her life for good i got my prom dress...im so excited! it should be here within a week... ~ meagz

SO its 1:30 in the morning and i cant sleep. its so fucking hot in my bedroom. i have the windows opened and my ceiling fan and another fan...and im dying. nabs here...hes passed out already...i cant sleep when its hot. its so uncomfortable! i just cant do it. no school tomorrow...thank god. no sleep=cranky bitch tomorrow

Smooches...kisses....hugs...hand holding...gentle touches....neck massages... i have to admit..im pretty happy right now... and i feel wrong to be this happy. i mean i dont think its right for me to feel good when my friends are hurting. I care too much for them. when they are sad..well im sad..when they are hurt...well im hurt. i cant wait until the day everyone in my life is happy.. so i got to shot a paint ball gun... i have to say...it felt awesome! i really enjoyed nabih teaching me how to paintball...and then i hit a few rounds with his punching bag..even though my knuckles turned red. so im not sure which college i want to go to...asu..nau? i applyed for dorms in both places...but im not sure which college to go to... i need to go running...my goal is to tone my arms...flatten my stomach..and get rid of that extra flab on the sides...urg i need to start working out. so andrea nabih and i see dangerouslee driving at best buy...dre runs out and nabih and i stay back...and u know what i realized...that i felt absolutly nothing for that guy..nothing at all..he realy is a stupid, self-centered jock...i mean i felt nothing for him....and i know why...its cause im so much in love with my baby. he means the world to me. and i know he always will..i dont want to be with anyone else...hes the one for me..he treats me right...as well as my friends..he treats everyone great. if only certain ppl would realize that...our life would be perfect!

THAT BITCH CAN"T HAVE HIM!!! HE'S MINE!! ALL MINE!!! stupid bag lady.....who the hell does she think she is? stealing my man away from me...well if she dares try anything ever again...i will have he slutty ass beaten...shes such a slut...she wines about not having sex in so long...wtf? shes younger then me!! im so glad my baby came back to me...i love him soo much!! we belong together!! mwAH! he will always be mine... yes spring break!!! i cant wait!!

SO i went out with nabih tonight....just as two friends...we saw the worst movie ever...hidden hills of people or whatever the fuck it was. it was terrible...esp. when this deformed creature starts raping this girl...urg nab wears this disgusting yellow tag around his wrist and i tried ripping it off and he hurt my finger...its kind of big right now..fatter then all the rest of my fingers urg i miss him sooo much...it was soo hard to keep myself away from him...all i wanted to do was jump on him.. and hug/kiss him forever...but that wont happen now..maybe one day soon thou.he doesnt want to cheat on me if he goes back with me...so hes keeping himself away from me for my sake...urg damn boys...urg and damn ugly bitches....why u have to steal our men's hearts/feelings from us?! i cant believe kevin...that mother fucking asshole...wat he did to andrea..i will never forgive him...he deserves...as nabih would put it...."a new asshole" fuck guys...who needs them......wait we do it must be so hard for her right now...i wish there was something i could do...but feelings are soo hard to patch up...esp. when u love someone. trust me i know.. "i love you always forever" so i got nabih a present today....people told me not to get him anything...but i did..hes still there for me...just not in the way i want him to be...he will always be in my heart...and i hope in his

"It's got what it takes...tell me why can't this be love?" so car crash=2 now....WTF is wrong with me? am i a target or something....damn desert mountain drivers...none of them shouldnt be able to drive....so drea and i waited 20 minutes after achool in the parking lot to avoid getting into an accident so we leave and are hanging out in the left turning lane...completely stopped when BANG!! FUCK I SCREAMED!!! some asshole hits us real hard and starts laughing about it. meanwhile drea is watching the kid im screaming ans crying cause i couldnt believe that that just happened. drea and i were having the worst day and then this? omg i broke down. and when im yelling at the kid to pull over he fucking drives off...i get out of my car and start screaming at the top of my lungs cause i couldnt take it anymore. andrea run down the street to the cop down there and some guy came by me asking if i needed help and i couldnt communicate with him. so the cop comes i give him my information and he tells me he will look in the parking lot tomorrow. but once he leaves this lady comes and gives us his license plate number...YES there is a GOD! im going to get this asshole...if it the last thing i do...then to add to this...my cellphone breaks...of course right... i want my baby back...we belong together...and he knows it. i know he does. urgh i miss him. but im going to give him the space he needs to figure his own shit out...but he knows im right there. and always will be...he just needs to reach out for me one day...and ill be able to smile again. "its got what it takes, so tell me why can't this be love?" ~meagz

its over....once again...and its not my decision...he told me he would never do it...he would never dump me...i was too precious in his life...and yet today....he tells me he doesnt wan to be with me...WHAT?! and the tears come rolling down my face. i thought u loved me? i thought u always wanted to be with me? i thought u wanted a future with me? was that all a lie? did u lie to me? o u dont want to hurt me again...wtf did u just do then?! its that bitch isnt it....that fucking ugly bitch from work isnt it? she kissed u....u liked it....u wanted more....more from her...more then what i could give u is that it? u flirt with her...walk her to class...hang out with her...and who knows what else u do with her...but am i worth losing over her? is it just ur male ego talking....u want something new...ur friends influence....they tell u to not go back with me....what do they know...they didnt know what we had...no one did...except for us...im soo hurt...i feel like i was just stabbed in the heart. this pain just wont go away...i love you too much....i want u to be there with me...not for me...as a friend would be....but as mine...my nabih....my boyfriend...those 2 months i still wanted u...i wish we never spilt up...u changed...u changed a lot...and now dont want me....i feel devestated....i dont know what to do...my friends cant do anything except be there for me....but they cant change the way i feel...i love him...and i always will...he told me he would never do this....he told me he would NEVER do this to me......

My car is going to blow up!!! omg it smells awful...of gasoline....i was driving around today to try and take some photographs but i couldnt breathe...and i became lightheaded...my brain cells are going...O NOOOO...ill ask a hot server from work about my car....and maybe have one walk me to my car and check it out...hmm yum yum. sadie hawkins...def. was not planing on going.....hmm maybe i should change my mind? i dont know...if my shy self can get the balls to ask a boy...well....not just anyboy.. Wise sucks ass...im so pissed...im still in shock that we dont hanve mooney anymore...im going to ask mereidth about him everyday...and try to visit him...wise is a bitch with her rules and what not. shit this sucks..... tap tap tap...my tap teacher...hmm where to start...he touches me...not once not twice but three times...always looks into my eyes when explaining directions and what not...even though he trusts me that i know everything...he yells at everyone who do steps wrong..but if i make a mistake he giggles...and has no problem with it....i dunno..hes like 23 and has lots of tattoos....he just got a new one on his neck...and it says live for more...he showed me it..but tols everyone else to not look...say or touch his tattoo...but he let me? he did get fired from his last dance studio for touching some girl...o great... why am i only 17? i mean i shouldnt rush my life but theres got to be a reason...maybe i will meet someone my age...soon..that will love me for me...or at least like me for me...other that nbomb...there has to be someone out there for me agan... liv dangerouslee

So i felt pretty shitty today....no including finals as i did well on them....but i realized things today that are now making me saddened. My ballet teacher told me she is going to miss me...i asked her why? then i realized well college...ill be leaving Plumb Performing Arts Center....wow i love that studio...well most of the time. But she was so sweet when she told me she would be honored to write me a letter for the scholarship. but wow im leaving.... another conclusion about dangerouslee...i need to stop talking...thinking...or dreaming about him. I realized today that he's trying to make me not like him. i can tell. the lil things. he doesnt want me to like him anymore. and it just hit me now. well nothing i can do about it. o every time it rains. im lost in the dark. so i love photography. i have this assignment of photographing people's emotions and what not...i took my camera to dance and got some great pictures...o god i enjoyed taking them so much. and i have so many new ideas for the rest of my film. all i need are some models..hehe sometimes i wish i could photograph myself... every time it rains.....im trying to survive.... you dont know me i dont know you i also realized that im afraid to be alone liv dangerously

photography=my life....i love it...i wish i could have a darkroom of my own just to spend hours and hours in there developing beautiful masterpieces... my sexy legs say a lot....i hope.... work is awesome...i love it...and i made lots of new friends...and soo much money...yes i have all this cash just from tips...sweet monkey...x-mas is coming...and everyone i truly love will get presents...yeyyhey woohoo mooney is an awesome teacher....i swear our last day with him will be one hell of a sad day.... ok liv dangerouslee tit tat

is there a penalty for random ass grabbing? o yea..there should be... so this guy in photo class pretty much grabs me in the darkroom and claims it was an accident....yes right...but then a day later....the guys friend decides to start singing about asses...shake that ass bitch...touch her ass...her ass...in the darkroom...urgh i hate boys....next time i do one of andrea's self defense moves on them...they will be sorry my heart cant possibly break... lies lies lies....why did fleetwood mac have to sing that song "tell me lies tell me sweet little lies" cause it happens!!! BOYS LIE! its in their nature...they are all lying, cheating pieces of shit and i think becoming independent is the right thing for me. no stupid shit to deal with..."Im through with love"~marilyn monroe..... and i mean to care for no one.....because im through with love u didnt need me u had ur share happy thanksgiving tomorrow...great....food..yum love and peace always livin dangerouslee.....

Searching for jobs blows...well actually im just too damn lazy to go out and get applications. im such a dumbass. saw 2 was so bloody awesome. grahsldshhsdffj game over! so halloween night...nothing too exciting happened, except me getting fat from all that left over candy...pukes....i need exercise school is going by pretty fast..before i know it it will all be over. and then the fun really starts..i got a call from a lady from hallmart institute in mass. about the school of photography and she wants to set up a i hour phone interview to see if thats the right school for me. i mean i would love to go to that school but i know in reality i cant afford it....parents cant afford it. so i dont really want to get my hopes up with talking to this lady. out of state tuition sucks major ass...damn urgh im so nervous about taking this defensive driving class...urgh 6 to 7 hours oif listening to some guy talking about rules of the road...i might die. crowell is back...im so glad but shes getting right back into the program which means work again. urgh now i kind of miss star wars..hehe mr. fred flintstone and i are becoming inseparable! im now sad when he leaves me for work or home or wherever he goes off to . i told myself to never get attached to anyone but i think its too late. ii miss T & T. well liv dangerouslee.."ha but u cant get through the gates" ~thats what u think~ haha halloween 04' good times good times

you love me you call me you want me you tease me you love me you hate me you fight for me you bully me you love me you humor me you climb for me you support me you love me you cry for me you sing to me you dance for me you love me you buy things for me you write to me you need me you love me you pray for me you hope for me you run with me you love me YOU LEAVE ME then why dont u understand me? stand up for me? buying me flowers to forget the problems does NOT GET RID OF the PROBLEMS! STOP BEING SELF-FISH dont get my hopes up then leave me... enjoy this............ liv dangerousLEE

MICHAEL WON'T FUCKING LEAVE NABIH AND I ALONE! HES ACTING AS IF HES THE MOTHER AROUND THE HOUSE....I FUCKING CANT STAND HIM. HE MAKES UP LIES OR EXHAGGERATES THE SITUATION THEWN RUNS TO MOMMY AND TELLS HER SHIT. THANK GOD MY MOM TRUSTS ME. MY DAD AS WELL..THEY HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH NABIH. ITS JUST MICHAEL. HES PLANNING SOMETHING TO NABIH AND I THIS WEEKEND. I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT I SWEAR IF MIKE DOES SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE...HE WILL REGRET IT. AND LIKE THEY SAY...PAY BACKS A BITCH! RIGHT NOW I DONT EVEN CONSIDER HIM A BROTHER TO ME. LIVE DANGEROUSLEE

so my birthday was great this year.. a lot better than my 16th b-day...thanks to all my friends who made it special..hehe so shopping was fun yesterday...except for those hispanic man checking my BOOTYLICIOUS behind. yuck homecoming today...im nervous about what im going to wear tonight...ill prob just go naked...its easier that way SENIORS ROCKED that assembly friday...those f-ing juniors tried..but we beat there sorry asses..hahahaha love and peace liv dangerously

6 month celebration can go suck my ass....it wasnt even special....it was pretty gay let me tell u. i dont know what to do...this week is supposed to be a great week..i mean 6 month my brithday shopping homecoming...i mean theres a lot of shit thats supposed to make me happy...then why do i feel like shit right now? ***** ***** *****...... kiss my ********************************* liv dangerouslee

so its been two weeks of school and so far so good. i mean i like my classes and teachers this year and how i have four classes with my friends. Seniors def. rocked that 7 minute assembly. it feels so great to be on toip of everyone. So i took my senior pictures saturday. my first set of headshots for yearbook sucked so i asked to re-take them. second set way better i have to say. and for the 2006 shot i didnt get to do the one on the butt which kind of sucked. instead i have one with my f-ing violin. o well im happy to say that i found my camera. of course it was underneath the seat of my mommies car. and this printer and new computer rocks. i can print my photos with it. its swell so my b-day is coming up.. finally ill be 17! its feels like ive been 16 for a lonnnnng time. o and the big 6 monther is coming up two. woah half a year i just wanna dance! again...... fook u fook me liv dangerously

So its been awhile...when i got back to az two weeks ago my two great friends from new york came back with me. we had an amazing 12 days together! they left last night and lately ive just been depressed. i mean 10 years of friendship is a long time for such young ppl these days. of course today was the first day of school. actually not bad classes i got...esp spanish and economics. got econ with my two girls and kumar...hahahaha... o and ck. hehe well not only does my a/c not work now in my car...but now the fucking doors arent locking either. my god. and o yeah...when i went to gill my gas tank the damn door wouldnt open. my dad had to take a fucking screw driver to the tank and now it looks like shit. im pissed off. i also cant find my camera.. FUCK! my crappy camera is my life! i have so many memories on there. i have to find it. i went to dancing school today.. yea my parents are making me get a job. which means i can only take a few classes. which pisses me off cause its my last year. too bad my family is poor and i cant afford ballet shoes. im thinking about working with a photographer at a store or something....or hell busing i already know what to do. and now i esp. hate fucking parents who talk about me behind my back and confuse the heck out of their children. STOP TELLING LIES1! parents dont know all. they think they do. but fuck. i know these ppl dont. WELL FUCK U BOTH livin dangerouly

in NEW YORK! and it feels great! although i miss my friends back home...my friends out here i barely see. my friend tiffany and i are planning a reunion from our 1996 class at Most Precious Blood. IM actually really exctied to see some of these people i havent seen in over 9 years. Hopefully everyone we invite can attend. ill be sad if some of those boys dont come. missing people i know is one thing, missing people who seem like strangers is another. i don't know why but it feels like i don't know him anymore. like being apart all this time has put a block between us and i cant seem to get around it. who knows if this block will vanish when we reunite again. so im coming back home august 9th. which is approaching....slowly im bringing my two great friends tara and tiffany back home with me to see my life. ROAD trip! if my car of course is alright. its been so long i cant remember what it looks like? ok im still livin dangerouslee.....I CANT HELP IT!