my secret lover soulmate angel fell to earth for me in a black parachute today. using my special technological tracking device and a police canine unit, i found out that he arrived upon the Brazilian rainforest. unfortunately, he was impaled by some of those sharp pencil coffee Trees- straight through the stomach! imagine my surprise! i couldn't reach him for one full day because i had to hurry to the closest native village and plead one of the sneering warriors to teach me how to scale large timbers. the next day, with splinters in my palms, aching thighs and an official Tree climber license, i attempted to arise the Tree. with one wrong grip and a slow reflex, i could tumble to my demise! as sweat rolled down my armpits and my clotted fingers could no longer bleed, my stilettos broke off, leaving my feet bare. i could no longer bear the agony! i let go and unsnapped my parachute, weaving down past the chiding parrots, chuckling llamas and the contumelious scoobydooes. the next day, i hired a team of rough bandit druglords to chainsaw down the towering Tree. they macho-ly demanded me to stand back and make them some homemade chicken casserole and fresh lemonade while they “took care of business”. while obeying the commands, i half-listened to the deafening roars of metal buzzing and sweaty men singing lewd Snoop Dogg songs, and cicadas crinkling. 5 minutes later, i heard metal buzzing, sweaty men crying out for a quick merciful death and body appendages flying out of sockets and vital organs wetly popping and hoarse death rattles, and the cicadas crinkling. i turned around alertly and saw that a giant alien moose was hunting and diligently feeding his family squad with my poor chainsaw workers! i poured them some much needed lemonade. the next day, i contacted one of my South American government agents who owed me a long overdue favor. he emailed me his handpicked mine grenades and guided me to a website on how to correctly operate them. i laid them carefully at the root of the Tree and poured syrup on the detonators, shot an arrow on fire and ran behind a boulder. success!!!!!!!111111 the creaky tree door was immediately unhinged and i rapidly climbed the spiraling escalator. i paused only once to put on another coat of deodorant. i arrived anxiously and found the heart of my dreams in a hot and passionate embrace with a crew full of slutty airline hostesses. apparently, they liked my secret soulmate angel who had no abdomen. and apparently, the angel was having a jolly good erected time. in a haze of red hurt, i open the tree's glass balcony windows and i threw myself to the pitch black serene and cruelly fondling hands of Satan. truth, this! --- i dont know how to play bingo