My grades have gone to complete shit. I have no idea what's happened to me. I used to be a really smart kid. And I still am smart, really. I just don't care anymore. And I don't know why. I've gotten so behind in my classes, and now I have to make up everything, and it's just so overwhelming for me. I don't know where to start, and it's really freaking me out. I'm panicking perpetually. Yesterday, I found a white hair. Proof that I'm stressed to hell about everything. Golly. I just want to cry about it. But no one gets it. They still expect me to be the genius teacher's daughter who does everything perfectly. And that's not me. I've screwed up. A lot. My research paper isn't even started. I have about 30 note cards, and I'm supposed to have at least 100. I have to give my teacher the first 3 pages of the paper tomorrow at 7:10; she told mom to relay the message to me specifically. I think she's fairly angry. And she'll make me feel so bad. Because she knows I can write. And that my topic is something I'm genuinely interested in. I've just lost that drive to do anything. I used to be maximum overdrive overachiever extraordinaire. And now I'm not even a minimal achiever. I'm starting to hate myself again. But people don't know about that, so I'll end this part now. On a completely different note... Relay Friday & Saturday was a lot of fun. I had the first shift at 7, then another around 11, and then another at 3 in the morning (that one I didn't walk, because I was asleep). Between my shifts, we all played frisbee, soccer, threw the football around, and tossed around the Beamo. At some points, all four were happening. We also went on the swings at the playground, and I climbed on the big tires. Friday night around 2 in the morning, we were all still awake, except for Erin. We were telling the worst jokes...and not hearing them all correctly. Like this one, which made me laugh for approximately forever. Me: Why did Goofy throw margarine out the window? Darci: To paint the skyyyyy. She thought I said markers, not margarine. Ahahaha. I was hysterical. Then Andrea told a really good joke. Andrea: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming up over the hill? Answer: Oh look, here come the elephants up over the hill. It made me laugh so hard...at this point, I was basically asleep. Then I tried to make up some jokes, but they were so stupid...and made everyone laugh, because they were so stupid. Here they are. Q. What would a mortician/farmer give you for advice? A. Don't put all your eggs in one casket! Stellar. And then there was this classic... Q. What did one big toe say to the other big toe? A. "Hi!" Yeah, that was the whole joke. So sad. The night wasn't as cold as it's been other years, and it didn't rain overnight like it had every other time. It was nice. I had on two tees, a long sleeved shrt, and two sweatshirts, as well as horrendous tube socks and flannel pajama bottoms...so I was looking pretty damn ew. But hey, I was warm. I slept in the L.L. Bean sleeping bag and had my favorite comforter, so I was set. We had Berry Berry Kix in cups with milk for breakfast, because no one wanted to wake up at 7 for the breakfast the Relay people were serving. Partway through the afternoon, we (sans Amanda and Jess) all went to my house, because it's only about 3 blocks or so from the OTHS tarck, where Relay is held. We started to watch Finding Nemo and ate orange creamsicles. It was nice. Then played my ukelele for everyone, and then we walked back. Oh yeah, Friday afternoon & night I rocked out a hardcore side bun while wearing a hat sideways with the bun sticking out the hat's opening. It was intense. But I think some people thought that I thought I actually looked cool, which I surely did not. Saturday night there was a really scary rainstorm. Dad had just left, and I was sitting here writing an entry, and I could see the lightning clearly out the window, but it hadn't started rainig yet. Suddenly, it just dropped. A sheet of rain bolted from the sky just as lightning would, and I half-expected the asphault of the road outside to simply explode as each raindrop cascaded down into it. It was then that I decided I'd take a shower before the power went out. Then the lights flickered, and my entry was gone, and I ran upstairs. I was getting all shower-ready when the power went out. I was alone, in my big dark house, with it raining like hell outside, naked. I put my clothes back on and got the hell out of there. It sounded like there was someone in my house. There obviously wasn't, and it's perfectly clear that I was just freaking myself out, but nonetheless, the atmosphere was freaking me right to hell. I ran to sam's house. He wasn't there, but his dad was, so I stayed there for a few minutes. Then I left to look for Sam. Chelsea saw me walking along the road in the rain and gave me a ride, which was really nice. I saw Sam's bike at Dave's, so she dropped me off and bid me adieu. I stayed at Sam's house for the night and took a shower, thank god. Sunday I didn't do anything special, just hung out. Today I went to 1st period and about 20 minutes of 2nd period, then left with Chris Standley to be a D.A.R.E. Role Model for 5th graders in Newburgh. Pat, Caitlin, and Katie came too, Pat & Caitlin in his car and Katie in hers. After Newburgh was Winterport, but Chris had to get back to school for a Physics test, so I rode with Katie. We stopped back at the school along the way to get money and my Postal Service CD, which is still in her car. We had more time between our presentations, so we all had lunch together at Winterport House of Pizza or whatsit. I had Mozarella sticks. They were très good. Kids in Winterport are crazy. Man. Once that presentation was done, school was over, so Katie took me back to HA and I went home with mom, giving Courtney a ride home on the way. I went to Sam's, watched Scary Movie 3, rode his mini-bike around town, and then we went to Calvin's...where I showed Nate how to play the Power Rangers theme song on his guitar, and later where the fight went down. And now I'm back home, writing what is possibly the longest entry ever. Bye kids. Out: Gretchen