There are so many things that I wish I could do over and make them better, change my life for one day and see how it would feel to have perfectly nice life. I smile but want to cry, a laugh but I feel like I'm dying. Sometimes I do want to die. I don't think anyone would miss me. I feel like I care so much for everyone and they just spit and my face. I hide my pain by making fun of people or being a bitch just so that I can feel better. Someone called me desperate today. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Then I look back at the year and realize maybe I was. I get so tired of the damn drama and I look at people and see that they have royally fucked their lives and they don't seem to care. Or the people that are going no where yet they don't seem to care. Like why the fuck don't you care about your future. I miss the people that I used to talk to. I miss my old life. I miss my old house. I miss being able to have a convo with my sister without her resenting me for everything that I say. I miss so many things that I would never dream of speaking out loud to anyone because no one would get what the hell I was saying. There was someone... she isn't my friend anymore. I wish she was because I miss her so much. I was looking at pictures and I saw her and I remembered the good times we had. She was really cool. We weren't friends for very long. Maybe a school year, but damn she impacted me. Made me think differently. Life isn't how it used to be. Crazy things have happened in the past couple months that I am defintently not proud of. I ruined my relationship with my family. Some of my old friends are gone and I'm gone and I have nothing to show for it. Without yourself who are you? haha. That is weird but I'm sure SOMEONE will get it. Anyways I'm going to go.