well honestly i dont feel like updating much. because in the past week my life has been a complete roller coaster. and its not something i much want to talk about. but today. well actually last night andd today were one of the worst days in my life. i wish i could erase the past 2 months and i would be right back to my good ol miserable self. what used to make me happy is now what makes me the complete opposite. what used to make me feel so alive is now what makes me feel dead. i cant eat. i cant sleep. i can hardly breath. and i fucking hate it because i always promised myself id never become this type of person. and i hate myself for it. and after all of thoes things and emotions run through me all day. it completely sucks to have to deal with the fact that the only person im truly mad and upset with is the one person ill always have to be with. the one i so despritly need to but never will get away from. and seeing that its quite obvious of what specific event im talkin about.. thats more then enough of the updates for now.