so i havent been on here in a LONG TIME. I was reading all my old, really vague entries. Of course, I know what all of them were about, etc. But still, it's weird looking back. I don't even know what triggered what in my memory to come to this site today. But it's kinda funny. HEEHEE I am laughing at all the things that were such a big deal last year and were life changing but now dont matter at all. For old time's sake: and just to mix it up a little: peace

so im in college. and i havent been on this site in forever. basically i dont blog in any way, shape, or form. I changed into wrtiting in a journal for myself. I did a lot of thinking, and see a lot of mistakes i've made over the past year. It's funny because the same ones I had promised myself I wouldnt make...yeah i did anyway. but basically the amount of shahrukh i need to keep me going here is nuts. but it is a glorious thing. so this is for me. because i cant do this in a paper journal... here goes. That's it. anyway hope everyone is having a nice life. And, if anyone who actually reads this wants to see pics of the dorm, etc, ask me for the link. Love, Nish

So, I'm back. And I'm 18 now. Go me. Dubai was amazing. I've never seen any place like it, it's great. I saw the new Shahrukh movie when I was there...so great. Despite the mustache. DC was great. Granted, I didn't go on campus. But I did spend two weeks with the cutest almost-four year old ever. Yeah, he could really test your patience. But at the end of the day, Rohan really is the best! I've been back for two days now. Everything is different. I can't even start to explain the new wave of aloofness that's come over me. Maybe aloof isn't the right word. I'm...unsettled. That's the best I can do for you. I basically don't want to think about things. I know I will, because I already have, and come on, it's me we're talking about. Despite everything I don't want to be wondering about, all those thoughts fill my head night after night. So I said good-bye to Parker today. Needless to say, I was a mess by the end of it. I'm really going to miss him. For the first time ever, tonight, I felt truly alone. It was a scary feeling. Ick. I don't really want to say anything else right now, but I felt I should update. I need my strongface Lindsey. Love, Nish

Happy. is me. today was good. better than recent times. let's walk through it, shall we? k good. Ok, so the beginning was kinda lame...ortho appt and all. but then it all got better. I got home, watched a large amount of veer-zaara. then christina and nova and i went to CHICK-FIL-A! it was oh so delicious! and then we came home to an hour or so of felicity. holy effing cwap...that was good. and then lindsey, aditi, me, parker, and shelbs ate at on the border. and then after a brief few mins in the casa, i went out again! and this was by far the best part of the day... so we go to lindsey's house and she and i freaked out about tennis then, the two of us and stephen and sarah decide to go to the movies and see mr. and mrs. smith. oh wow. that was awesome. not the movie as much as the side commentary and the shushing. and the hiding of the thumbs ;) and then i came home and finished felicity. OH SHIT. that was cwazy. who does she choose??? whoa! ok im so done. yeah. things that i've been thinking about a lot lately have been bogging me down a bit. But tonight i just kinda forgot about all that crap and went on to have a great time. shahrukh=god. or close. tehe well im in an unusually good mood for the nighttime hours. take that. oh yeah by the way, i love you. love nish. PS- bday in 3 days. shit yeah.

hi. I honestly don't know what to say right now. I graduated, worked a bit, and am now just living day to day. I've laughed a lil bit, and cried a lil bit, and even gotten a lil angry. I'm leaving. On August 23rd. The plane tickets have been booked. I still can't believe it. I'm gonna live in DC. Shit. And on the 27th of june, im going to dubai. It's funny, whenever i just don't feel too great, a bad day or whatever, i always think of my family around the world, the people that i dont get to see everyday or even every year. I think of all those moments we've shared that are just pure laughter. and it always makes me smile. My aunt is coming from England in two days...I don't think you realize how effing awesome that is. There are no words for my family. we just are. i love them all, and if there was ever a shred of doubt in my mind, i know now, more than ever, that family comes first in my life. Always. and you can't just walk in and change that. so don't try. There's this feeling i have, it's not really a good one, but not really a bad one. I really don't know how to describe it. but it has definitely consumed me over the past week. I miss Sheida. a lot. I'm so excited...Jordan's coming on the 18th. And wow, i definitely almost forgot, my bday is on friday! I don't know what I'm doing for that though. oh well, we'll see. these are just for me. and this is from his new one coming out on the 24th im SO excited! One word about the mustache, and I'll gut you like a fish... i now have tried multiple times to get two pictures up...one of me and kiran, from new jersey. i trust her with my life and love her to death...she is my oldest and one of my closest friends. and the other was of me and jordan. because she has been my hero of the day. and everyday! but this effing thing is being difficult and i cannot get it to work. so we'll have to make do with shahrukh. wow, if you got through that, I applaud you. I love you, Nish

so i got into GW! and i'm going to DC baby! well that takes care of the first part of the title. now for the second. never mind, i don't really want to talk about it. it all suddenly changed, i don't even know when. and i dont know why, it's not the same anymore. maybe it would be better if it was how it used to be. I can't help but wonder. But hey, you have to give up those childish dreams sometime, so now's as good a time as any for me, it's time i started thinking like an adult. maybe all i need is a hug. oh, here's my brilliant insight for the day: sometimes you just want something. one little thing, but youknow that if you get it because you ASK for it, the value is taken away. and it would be great if it came from one person specifically. but no. of course that would be too simple. woth love, nish

hah i wish.

i want to go to bed now. but im listening to sarah's voice on the phone, which is way better. and we are talking about important things. :) this weekend was pretty cool. friday= went to get stephen's tux with him, then we went to 5 & Diner! and then christina came over and we watched a lot of felicity. saturday=PROM!!! which was waaaay fun and good. i had fun with arvin and the rest of the group. and i finally got to bed at like 6am and christina and i woke up at 12:30pm on sunday. and sunday (after waking up)= mother's day and we went to dinner with the madre and then studied (read watched Grey's Anatomy) at christina's. yeah so if you honestly want prom details, ask me. but most of you were there. it was waaay fun. and while im at it, here's today too... English IB testing, then lunch at AZ Bread Company (where senora almost killed me and stephen) and then i slept at james' for like an hour while he, christina, and marissa played video games. work was kinda fun today, and then people studied at my house until about 20 mins ago. yeah, go us. (so there was a little girl...that was belgium...) yeah well tomorrow is the history test and im so ready. haha probably not. at least i rocked the crap out of the english paper today. which made me feel way good. aw hell yeah! well im gonna go finish talking to sarah now. see y'all later. with love. and i know the mustache is kinda weird, because i mean yeah it is. but you get used to it. so shut your face.

i dont think i've felt this good in a long time. i found this mix CD of hindi songs that i made, probably last year or two years ago. i think last year. and put it in the camry. ok let's start at the beginning, shall we? i had my AP test for spanish today, which was horrible. it rocked me. bad. anyway i'm over it, it's no big deal anyway. and tomorrow is my IB test, but clearly im not stressing about it. sarah came to school today! and we went to arby's...with kat! and that was fun, sarah is way cool. especially our shopping escapades yesterday! anyway so lindsey thompson and i went to go pick up my prom dress. it fits (omg can you imagine if it didn't, i would cry!!) anyway its beautiful! and i love it. and we took care of some other prom stuff. oh apparently i'm nominated for prom queen...?? where that came from, im not so sure. lindsey and i were talking about how everything's all changing with us and i realized how happy i really am. I went down to fashion square mall and had to return some things that i bought yesterday with sarah, and on the way there, i put in that CD that i was talkin about earlier. The songs that i heard were definitely a blast from the past. and now, i have to go to work. which i dont even mind because ditallo has been dying to see my prom dress which she will today. instead of working from 4, i start at 6:30 today. hell yes, best day ever (aside from the AP test). so basically, i have amazing friends, am way excited for prom, have a week and a few days of IB testing, which means basically no classes, and im almost ready to graduate. effing sweet. And the one thing that was bothering me...no longer is. I'm in the best mood ever, and should be like this more often i think. but now the tutoring center beckons... with love!

sometimes i just feel like i need a break from life. things get a lil too intense for me. in a way that was what this weekend was. too many thoughts up in my little head that should not have formed. katie's bday was way fun. although even then, my mind was elsewhere. kickball rocked but the rest of the night, my mind was elsewhere. in places it shouldn't be. i hate that. this week is the AP test and my IB tests begin. ugh, just what i needed. My aunt had a baby today... one month early...it was def due JUNE 1. but she and the baby are perfectly fine and healthy. I'm so happppy...rohan has a brother. oh man. I'm a first cousin to yet one more person in this world. I'm 17 years older than him. wow. You know what would cure everything right now? Like EVERYTHING? that's right...SHOLAY (if you have no clue what im talking about. read previous entry, i explained it). and fyi, most of my hindi away messages, except for like 2....are scenes/dialogue from sholay. oh man, amjad khan outdid himself. this weekend has been fun so far. and today will not mess that up. with love. nish. and in my search for a sholay pic i found this...and thought it was necessary.

so the past few days have been interesting. I really was beginning to feel quite incompetent. at life in general. it just seemed like I was not able to do anything right (aka cupcakes, the car thing at work, everything). But today, I got home from school, hung around, and found my salvation. Hindi movie of course. I realized that if there is one thing that i can kick anyone's ass at, its that. (obviously). and even though it may seem silly, it's something to be proud of. I am the perfect fan. I'm crazy about shahrukh, yes, but i'm not one of those weird kids of this generation that sticks to people like john abraham and shahid and all those people. I go for the gold. Yes, I appreciate shahrukh (love him actually) and all his movies, but I definitely am not opposed to older movies. One of the best scenes of a hindi movie ever is of an old movie called Sholay. I watched it today, and just to see it on screen is magic (and its not even a chick flick) oh my god. and i was watching and taking it all in for the seventeen millionthi time, and realized how amazing of a fan i am. i like movies and have knowledge from different time periods. but not to worry mdear, shahrukh will ALWAYS take the cake. anyway, just felt like i had to write about something i was good at. now to go bask in the glory of hindi movies/music. i love you, Nish

I'm just sick and tired of myself.

oh that's right my friends. im so in love. with everything right now (in case you couldn't tell from the title, im in DC)! seriously...you name it, i love it. on monday night before i left, seeds was short, and after seeds was way fun. thank you trevor/nova for taco bell. :) and then arvin called to say good luck on the interview and we chatted for awhile :) umm my flight was weird... i didnt like my seat at all...but that's ok. back to my being in love. completely. my cousin is the most precious child. i love him soo much, he really is the cutest thing. he informed me today that he doesnt want me to go because he'll miss me a lot. lol he came in at 8:30 this morning to wake me up and say BOO! so when i opened one eye, he said "i scared you!" and ran away until i woke up. today was my GW interview.... i think it went pretty well... so yeah, i'm excited. i love this city. well the city...considering right now im in clarksburg, MD. its 10 mins to midnight here, but im def not tired... and sucks that i have to fly back tomorrow :( i best make sure my ipod is fully charged for the trip! we went to adventureland today. it was beyond amazing. i finally got to sit on that circle swing again... :) we also went to country cone ice-cream, the cutest little ice cream shop ever. ahh my aunt and i ate at woodlands for lunch today...seriously the best indian foood ever (not including passage to india, which kicks every other restaurant's ass...). i definitely think i was telling someone abt woodlands, prob christina or stephen when we went to get indian food. and i had my sweet corn chicken soup from old shanghai tonight. damn i love MD. and my aunt is the cutest pregnant woman ever! seriously, she cracks me up! i'm excited for this weekend, three days and all. except i have that effing flashcard assignment to do, which i wanted to start now, but realized i dont have the sheet, so i'm trying to get stephen to fax it to me, but he's not answering his phone :( i read this book about how to aggravate men...it is one of the funniest books i've ever read...it's effing hilarious. my uncle got a new car...a saab something that's way cute. his other car was stick, and he was gonna teach me to drive it...but the saab isnt. so now i have to learn from stephen. oh well, he's a good teacher. i'm so beat from today, it was so tiring. but i did get to ride the metro all the way from shady grove to metro center where i switched from the red line to the blue/orange line and got off at foggy bottom-gwu. and of course the entire ride back was nice too. i love the metro. and i love you. LOVE nish nothing in my life could be complete without shahrukh...or you! from DC with love

ok, so this new(ish) hindi song... its my new theme song to life. fyi. i love that language. it's so expressive. yesterday i went out to breakfast with stephen. and we chatted. it was good. not gonna lie *mainly because i can't* i feel much better now...ish. things on the prom front are looking up. not freaking out about things, and going dress shopping this weekend. so my parents and i really duked it out today. it was kinda scary. and i dont know how to handle things...i dont know anything EXCEPT that i need to regain control of my life. Everything was spiralling, and i cant have that, now can i? i got stuck in the dumpster today. not IN it, but inside the gate that houses it. it was sad and scary. thank god that one girl came along. or else i might still be there! im getting better at this, i really am. ok everything is changing. all at once. let's hope i can actually handle this. the past few days have made me see that maybe i really can't...what a scary thought. but i have all you guys, don't i? DC in a few days, SOOOO excited, like you have no idea. none whatsoever. i so wish i could take you all with me. well maybe not all of you, only some. and finally, sorry if i've been kinda weird over the past week. a lot going on, and im just like that. so yeah, apparently i was weird to a lot of people. at least 4 or 5. so yeah...sorry. and ok, really finally...I talked to nikhil tues morning online on yahoo msngr. for any/all of you who dont know, nikhil is my cousin in india who works in FILMS! i absolutely adore him because i can really talk to him. its so good. and just made my day :) and you thought i'd forget: it's funny because everything i want is right in front of me, it just took something to make me see it. wow. im an idiot. i love you nish its just so good knowing you're there. if only i knew who you are.

hey, so last night/this morning was one of the most fun times of my life. kinda like new year's, but with waaaay more people! i definitely didn't sleep. go me. but definitely almost fell asleep in the car on the way home. and i learned how to shoot people with rubber bands so it hurts! anyway, i had more issues waiting for me when i got home. finally got the effing tracks book. and did cas hours... but on the up-side, i did get to go to dinner with shelbs, her padres, and her mom's cousin! it was waaay fun, we went to an indian restaurant, a place that wasnt cuisine of india, and was actually better! on the 19th, im going to DC to see GW for an interview, and getting back on the 21st. thought you all should know. i dont wanna leave everyone. well more like 5 people that i reallly dont wanna leave. if i leave. let's hope, right? well relay was fun, and i'm listening to lucky ali bitches! music really does ease the soul. with love nish

so, these days have been a little different for me. ToK baseball was sooo fun! aw man! the car rides were fun, esp when we thought we'd get shot on the way home bc stephen wasn't in the correct lane...TWICE! and yesterday i got asked to prom!! it was so nice, and im excited now :) had some issues since the asking, but im excited! umm today was a weird day. very weird indeed. I even had to tutor a weird boy who is gonna do IB. omg shoot me, hes gonna wanna die pretty soon into it! I walked a lot with trevor today. it was definitely fun. we had a nice chat. Umm this weekend is gonna be so much fun!! I'm excited. Love Nish awww shit, almost forgot: (it's an old one but stilllll...)

yes, I'm tickled pink. apparently. anyway so yesterday and today...ready? yesterday- went to christina's and then the IB pity party for about 20 mins. then stephen and i went to cuisine of india!!!! not gonna lie though, the food was a tad disappointing...but that's ok. and then we watched bringin down the house with reiser and thompson. talked to kate for a long time, then to eric. today- woke up at 11:30. ;) and then went to stephen's picked him up. we went to best buy, and then mimi's. and then watched most of practical magic. but didnt finish. had a good chat too. and i'll stick with guys suck. the best moment, which i HAVE to write about, was in the car on the way to lindsey's, making old people on the road and the neighborhood ppl stare at us. OMG it was truly hilarious. and awesome. lindsey's was great. the surprise went well, and i had a great time. catchphrase was great. lindsey reiser and stephen....great job! booked it home, and talked to my mom for like an hour. now back to my supposed life online. prom is in like a month. gotta get working on some missions. oh geez, here we go. ive got three missions currently. actually maybe 4. wow. ugh hate it. talked to sarah today. that was really good. time for me to go because aditi is rushing me. but not before my shahrukh pic, its an old one though... love you Nish

not much to say today. it was a good day, esp the morning, went smoother than planned. and then school...was actually not bad at all today. talked to shelbs in psych which was fun. and talked to kelly/slept in history. after school stephen and i went to chipotle, where i ordered in spanish so he bought me a burrito. and then we listened to cocaine on the way home! it was fun. porque we're cool like that. and apparently the new topic at school now is prom...so it all begins. again. so we'll talk about that for like a month. lol. christina and i powerwalked today. AND watched scrubs and Felicity (we finished the one from yesterday). nothing left to say. :)

EDIT----------------------------------------- right now...someone tell me who martin henderson reminds me of/looks like. because the fact that i can't place it is driving me nuts!! --------------------------------------------- we are amazing. and powerful. and can do things that we would not have thought possible. and can be things that we wouldn't have imagined that we can be. this is the power of one person. and if one person can do this, imagine what happens when there are two people. but then these two people use their power for different things. one for good and one for bad. and really, it's all in how you use the power, isn't it? thought so. so don't abuse it. because i'm telling you right now, you have it. and maybe the last time you abused it, you didn't realize you were doing it, or didn't realize you even had it. but here's something for all of you: you have it. with someone, at least one person, you have it. it's a matter of finding that person, and using what you have to the best of your ability. which person are you? vague, i know. and to end that, here are two things, straight from the heart: in that order. always. in that order. always and forever. just tell me you'll always be there.

mulan is amazing. i cant do this.