no... the rest of yesterday wasn't better... to take my mind off my thoughts... I decided to go through some of my school stuff from last year(which was only months ago actually...) In it I found my notebook from my creative writing class.... I read through it till I found a section... The assignment was to write about our greatest fear... the following is from that assignment...(I took out her name to help conceal my identity) 2-16-05 My biggest fear is my love with (ex's name here) is unrequited. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have her. My little world would implode. She's pretty much the reason why I get up in the morning. She inspires me. She motivates me. She respects me. I need her because she's the one that completes me. I cried a little after reading this... I ended up thinking about her again... and how I felt about her... (nows a good time to scroll down and check out the horoscopes if you don't want to hear me talk about my ex... don't worry I wouldn't blame you...) I wondered... If I had done things a little differently... would I be staying over there with her right now...(right about now we could have been together) I thought about things like... If I had held back my feelings would that have helped? Was I coming on to strong? If I had sent pictures of myself... maybe she would have thought of me as a person and not text on a screen... maybe if I had emailed her more instead of IMing her... because it's easier to get your point accross with thought out words than quick sentences... and I do type quickly.... and most of all... The three words I said that destroyed the relationship... words I always regret saying... no matter how true... no matter how much I just can't hold them in any longer... three simple words... I love you... maybe I said them to late.... maybe I said them to soon... maybe I should have never said them at all... She tried to let me down easy... but she ended up rubbing salt in the wound... I don't know how... but she managed to say the most longterm damaging thing to me... In such a way that I couldn't hate her without hurting myself too... In such a way... to say I could never have her... no matter what I ever did... In such a horrible way... Like saying you'll never be the one for me... In a way that made me question what we had... and If we ever had... Like it was all just a big lie I made up in my head... said in a way that confused me to no end... A way that made sense... while being crazy... to some people... probably funny... or maybe ironic... or something... I can't talk about this anymore... It's starting to give me a headache... and I'll just start repeating myself... It's weird though... It's like... I can't tell if anything she ever told me and everything I thought about her was a lie or not... I wouldn't have put it past her that she was some kind of demon succubus that feed off my pain... or if she was the girl I always dreamed of... my angel... or maybe both... she was like that... tomorrow's horoscopes... LIBRA You might forget where you are at, as you spend so much focus and time thinking about money issues today. While this is not the best time to borrow, it is a great time to look at the long-term solutions for stability. SCORPIO You can change your appearance today for dramatic and positive effect. Someone who pretends to be shocked is secretly attracted to you. The amount of control you have is beginning to increase. SAGITTAURIUS You can play problem solver today and get results. Look at your life troubles as a puzzle and analytically put the possibilities together. Focus on which person is likely to be loyal to your goals. CAPRICORN Look to your past and make an effort to hold onto an old acquaintance. This is something that will take some work to cultivate, but, in the weeks to come, you will need the objectivity that an almost forgotten friend can provide. GEMINI You are deeply in the midst of a romantic cycle. It is so engrossing that you might not even know what day it is. What began as a casual flirtation could get out of hand, but might that be a good thing after all? love and peace...(because sometimes they DON'T go together...) -Adolfo- Though... told differently before... Nothings fair about love and war..