Today, I left a pair of scissors on my desk, as i'd cut my nails earlier.

My mum came into my room when I was just drifting off to sleep and she started shouting, and to be honest I was like.. "Uh Mum, why are you shouting... get out of my room" (Typical Teenager Mode)

Then I realised what she was shouting about.. Scissors.

With her lines of "You stupid girl.. you're not cutting yourself again are you?"

Well No, I'm not.

But to see that she still thinks that way about me. Is just.

Real.

And the more i've thought abou it now, the more I realise she's still proecting me.

She keeps all the scissors in the house in her room, along with all the sharp objects from the house.

And that's made me realise, she still after 8-4 years hasn't come to terms with the person I was.
And she still has some doubt that when things go a little wrong in my life that's what I'll turn to.

But that's not me anymore.
It's the girl I used to be.

I think.

But, I guess it's just the fact that she's hiding thing from me.. Scissors, Knives, ect ect ect.

That scares me.
It only scares me because I have only now just realised how much she still cares.

And that boils it down to how much this is still my own fault.

And that's really sad.
Well, it makes me upset.

To know that I cause my mum heartache to this day, four years on.