I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
But thats just today.

I really sympathise with the quote "I was just getting used to yesterday, When today come along"
Its beginning to seem that with every new day that comes along, 10 more bags of shit get thrown at me.

And i'm allready uner 10,000 tonnes of it.
I've come to believe that living brings out the worst in me.
And i've come to realise that, I don't need a fresh new start somewhere new. I need a new me.
I've learnt who I am, And I hate her.

I've become everything I never wanted to be.
And there's nothing I can do to escape that. I'm gonna have to live with the guilt of know what I'm really like, for the rest of my life... and I don't think I can do that.

If I was on the outside looking in, or as to say.. I wasn't me.. but on on-looker of my life. I'd truthfully say, she should be locked up, either in a mental institution, or a prision. Because thats probably the only thing I deserve.

My person, being, soul. Or all of the above.. is like an onion, Many many layers.
So..;
Layer 1) The Nice / Shy Person
Layer 2) The Loud, Bitch.
Layer 3) Contains my family, who I love dearly. (I dread to think what they would do to me if they knew the truth)
Layer 4) The people I call friends / Lovers / Time Wasters. And everything I moan about on a daily basis.
Layer 5) The truth of who I am (The Lier, Bitch, The one who has no consicence)

And that is me.
Though I have one secret, A couple of words that could sum me up in one.. But I can't even type them. Not even here.

Where no-one knows me, not really. No-one knows of this, my secret little internet world. Yet I can't even let my own diary know who I really am.
Pathetic really.

I've been living in a fantasty world, doped up on Narcotics/Alcohol/Sex... for years. Not even being open with myself, ever.

I have to change.
I cannot be the person I am anymore.
People like me don't work with todays soceity.
Thats how they end up in prison.