i know you dont understand why i do this to myself, you will never know how this feels, the pain i feel everyday, and how free it makes me for that second when i can take it all away, i know it never helps me, but you dont know what it does, i just want a perfect me, i dont think thats too much to ask, so i do this to myself in the hopes i can fix whats wrong, its not like i choose to, its part of who i am so many things that ive been through ive seen so much hurt and tears i won't live my life like that i'll always be alone the betrayal is to harsh the hate to blunt the crying from a broken heart i'll always be alone the words 'i love you' are meant to make you forgive i won't forgive the things they do i'll always be alone i'll protect myself from this world i'll stay safe here i'll never let another hurt me i'll always be alone no its not ok i don't feel safe i dream, i hope for a place where im not afraid where im safe from myself i don't want to sit and dream of hurt and the way the blade feels all the secret tears i cry released out of me this isn't right im not meant to be this way why am i so messed up can't you see im calling out for help but once again you dismiss me im all alone im not safe here look at the girl you know see how she suffers why cant she find the happyness that she longs so much for she tryed to get rid of her pain and it works for a while but soon the sadness all comes back and once again shes lost a few cuts on the arm theyll bleed for a while but dont worry they wont hurt half as much as the scarrs inside and now i see ive scared you and you dont wana metion it you always change the subject are you really that ashamed? it wasnt meant to go this far i was only trying to cope im not hurting me anymore im only hurting you so now ill try to stop myself sorry if i go insane cause i dont wana make you sad ill deal with everything ill sit in the dark and scratch away at my skin cause its better than you seeing me bleed ill try and be normal again these are some of my more resent poems