i dont have as many friends as i thought..i seriously think if i would die no one would notice. ive come to realize i lost the best 2 friends i ever had and ever will have..when im around them i feel so out of place, i guess i am since we arnt friends anymore..that wasnt my choice but i did bring this whole ordeal on to myself so there is noone to blame but me...but that doesnt mean i still dont care because i do and that doesnt mean i dont think about them everyday..ill do anything possible to be as good of friends as we all were..they are the only 2 people i feel for..that sounds gay, but true..plus im a coward and no matter how hard i try i always fuck the situation up or screw things over for me as well as others i care about...i dont know what to do. theyve always put up with my shit. i dont know how to show them how much i care...i miss them so.. im miserable here all alone at least then i had something to live for but now nothing has any meaning..goodbye for now