hello..ive been thinking to go back ot the "place" to better myself but its not the right time..i feel the same as ive always felt or seems like ive always felt...and this is all my fault..bc i should b able to b all liek happy and appriciate things but the thing is i dont..and if i go now then ill get back on my school work wich would b bad and if i go now ill have ppl worried and shit and i dont want ppl to worry about somethign so insignificant such as myself, a meer speck, theres many more ppl that are better than me and can do more for you..and i think to hard and its bad bc when i htink bc i cant think positivly its all negitive, i want to change it so bad but its just so hard and its hard ot explain too im trying to do it right now but its not working..i think if i go later on then ill b on my own after HS and get help intill im BETTER, ALL better..but it just seems so helpless this whole thing..i mean we all just die and i dont think im goin to be that important in the future so i mean come on why are we living..idk adn i talkted ot maria the other day and she said she might be goin back too and mia well i hope ill get a chance to see her again when seh comes back and b4 she leaves again..i can only hope bc its gonna b a tought situation on my hands..i miss you mia come back..HURRY!!..i know u cant read htis but i LOVE you babe..i hopoe urr feeling better..mwahhhh!! and my niece and nephew are comming with my sister for new years i believe..its hould b fun i hope...i just hope that mitzie and cindy dont come up bc their WILL be hell and betty wont come for sure bc she has a new born and 2 other boys..so shes got her hands full.. adn i htink ashley is mad at me but i can only hope she isnt ...same with christina idk