i feel like idk my head hurts im so tired but i cant sleep..i dont like myself, its hard to explain..sometimes i think i make myself sick..well i know i make myself sick..sometimes i wish i was certain about SOMETHING in my life..i mean im a pretty decent kid, im usually a hard worker but i always feel so obligated..like a robot, i do my best to do everything i can for other people but i need to do something for myself, something like well idk..the only thing i can think of is death..i cant really tell if that woudl be a good thing or a bad thing..it always seems like my best and only option..for everything feels so distant and just gone..because everything i used to have is pretty much gone..i want to be something good something everyone likes, something that i should be proud of, something that the people who know me can be proud of but i dont know what to do..or maybe i do i just dont think that would be the best thing or its not perfect enough..i think i need to stop thinking so much of bad things and stop thinking that everyone is out to get me..but its so hard when i actually believe everyone is out to get me..i know i do this but i cant seem to stop it, i dont catch myself, i need to be more aware of my own thoughts but i have so many thoughts that i tend to forget things..usually important things..i wish i could be something better..something not so hard to talk to or tolorate..just somebody else