I think i'm going crazy, or maybe i always have been, "Who Knows", Last night i fell asleep whilst Sye stayed on the computer talking to his friend Liz, I woke up and found him speaking to Some girl from MY school, Who he knows i hate with a passion..Anyways, Whether or not i hate her, I told her in random conversation the other day what i had gotten Simon for christmas. So yeah i wake up and he clicks off her box rapidly, And says "I know what you've got em for christmasssss", I find this extremely annoying, and ask how, he doesnt reply, only making a Ahhh noise, so i say..."Because you've been speaking to SARAH!!??..", and turn over, he says give me a kiss, and i blank him, I turned over once again, to see her say "The second one lol", so i ask what she means, he denies she told him what i got him, and says they were talking about Beyonce, and how much of a moose she is...Like yeah, "Beyonce's A Moose" - "The Second one Lol", does this make sense to you?? He wouldn't tell me what they were talking about, and i asked him to show me the chat log, but he'd already deleted them..He gets in bed, and as i try to speak to him, he tells me to shut up, cause he wants to sleep, And I begin to CRY!!!....Baring in mind by the way, that Simon's kissed this girl whilst he's been with me, So what if it was in a stupid childish game of spin the bottle, he still done it right!?...I babble on about how much of a vindictive slut she is, and tell him she's out to split us up, He doesn't see this, and tells me she's a nice girl, Which annoys the fuck out of me. I get up to have a smoke, and he lies in the middle of the bed, so when i come back there's no room, he moves slightly, so i squeeze myself in, but im lay there crying, and he's not even flinching, It hurt, and i couldnt bare to stay there so i went downstairs, only to return a short while later to get some clothes, (I got it in my head i needed to be out)..he goes mental at me telling me if i go he;s not gonna be here when i get back, and tries to frighten me by mentioning the rapist which is on the loose, but to be honest i didnt care, In the end i took a sleeping tablet and tried to crash in bed, but it didnt work, So we kissed and made up (In a more in-appropriate fashion) and then it begins again...I let him know of my insecurities about my so called friends..the fact they're prettier, girlier, more intelligent and spontaneos than me, And ask him does he not think it's weird how he gets on better and finds them more attractive than his girlfriend, to which he replies, I dont, and i dont, i see them every now and again, thats why we get on,im with you not them!! After a long discussion i think he gets annoyed with me, and states "You dont have any friends Zoe"...I begin to cry again, And he holds me, I ramble on for the next hour or so, about how hard it was for me in school, having no friends, and Why Ryan made such an impact on me. And then i fell asleep, with his arms wrapped tightly around me, kissing my head every now and again. Why am i so insecure, why cant i just trust him?? I hate me, and i hate everything about my life, except for him. I want to keep him forever, but i'm gonna lose him before i know it with this constant paranoia...There isnt a reason for me to be paranoid there right?? God Help Me !!