I need to write Tyler, so that I stop wallowing in memories like this: I was at Teresa’s birthday. It was when she was with Craig’s friend, whose name eludes me, and Craig was really depressed. That, unfortunately, wasn’t what was bothering me. I remember at one point standing behind him and for a split second I had myself convinced that it was Tyler and not Craig. Then the beautiful illusion faded. I spent most of the party thinking about him, most of that night (Tyler, not Craig). I just worked myself into a deep depression, and I felt physically ill the next day. I wasn’t really sick, sick, just heart sick and not wanting to taint this happy occasion with my sorrow. That’s why I didn’t go along when all the other girls came and ‘kidnaped’ Teresa and everyone else went with them. I just stayed behind and waited for my parents to come and get me. I’ve got to get him to cut me lose, or to become ‘just friends’ with me, or something. I just, I need to end this madness. In some ways this seems really funny now, but still, it feels bitter sweet at the same time. I need to stop obsessing over him. Perhaps this letter thing is the best way out... Yet I hesitate. What if he does write me a letter back? Currently I’m thinking I’ll give him the option of just sending an empty envelope back. It seems very symbolic to me for such to happen, empty envelope=empty relationship. Then I will tuck it in my journal with the 3 by 5 card that I have with his writing on it, my little ‘treasure’. Perhaps I’ll put the card in the envelope. Yeah, that sounds good to me right now. Is this a bad idea? This whole writing him once I get a hold of his address thing? If I can get a hold of it. Other news, college life is going ok. I just wish there wasn't as much home work as there is. I'm trying to get on top of it, and stop procrastinating so much. I'm think that the reason why I don't have much of a fighting spirit is partially due to how sheltered I have been. I've been sheltered from violent movies, and from violent sports, such as Sword Legion. Although there is always the door mat for Megan factor. I feel bad for Megan though, it sounds like she's getting a taste of her own medicine these days and that her spirit is broken too. Anyways, I'd better get to my homework. We're having cake at 9 because it's Summer's birthday today. ~Amyelk Out