I just posted the following on my forum, and felt like putting it up here too. Hello, My name is Eileen. No one ever gets my name right. Ever. Okay, that's a lie, but sometimes it seems like that. I have been called Aileen, Ellen, Elle, Elaine, Emma, Edith and Yvette on a regular basis, but more recently (ie: this week) I got called Rebecca and Annette. Annette I can kind of understand, I mean, it sounds like Yvette, easy mistake. But Rebecca? That French teacher has some explaining to do. Oh, and once I got called Maddie. That made me angry. I whine. Constantly. I don't know why I do it, and I don't like whining, but it just comes out. I'm sure everyone gets sick of my whining, especially those who I whine to. But... actually in trying to find an explanation for the whining I do in order to finish off this point, I find my brain whining. Haha. STUPID BRAIN, SHUT UP AND JUST BE A NORMAL PERSON FOR ONCE! Hey, a brain isn't a person. Idiot. I think about things too much, and this ends up making me feel like crap (ie: riiiight now! yay. not). Yet when I think about these things, I say the things that I am thinking, but they come out as a half developed thought, so I often don't finish sentences. This makes people look at me weirdly. I talk to myself even in the public of others. Melanie once got annoyed at Kira and I because the three of us were sitting at the table and Kira and I were talking to ourselves and Mel was getting confused. I think I was talking to the paint more than myself, actually. I hate being wrong, but I am wrong quite often. And I hate it more when people tell me I'm wrong. I also hate it when people say what I'm thinking when I am trying to squash that stupid little thought to the back of my mind, and then they have to come out and say it anyway. Gah. When people tell me what to do I won't do it. When people suggest things I am reluctant to follow these things through. OH! Maybe I whine because I worry too much? I love art. I hate maths. French was loverly, but the crappy teacher got in the way. Design Tech has its moments, and English is the most boring thing on Earth, second only to RE. Coincidentally (or not) I have the same teacher for both. I want to do well in the subjects I like, but I still don't think it will be good enough. I don't want anyone to worry about me, ever. I'll be fine on my own. Sometimes think that they are helping, but when they are giving ideas to an over-analyst like myself, it is just fueling the amount of thinking and worrying I do. If I really want help, I will ask for it. In fact, I will whine until I get attention. That's how you know I need help. I whine. Talking to Melissa always makes me feel good :) Two seconds ago I was crying over my milo, and now I'm laughing at the idea of Meliss falling asleep in a giant teddy bear hugging her smirnoff, because it is so Melissa. That's not to say she's the only one who makes me feel better. It's just that she is the one that is making me feel better right now. Man I sound depressed. The thought crossed my mind that I have bipolar. Hmm. I don't want to be, though. Maybe I just need more sleep? Is this too long already? Screw that. I'm gonna keep going. My parents are seperated. This makes my life difficult. I don't even really care, i just hate having to go all the way to Lilydale to come home. It makes me isolated, and Eileen left alone with only herself and her over active mind is not a good thing. Yet I can only manage to do homework at my mother's house. I think I feel like dad will tease me for doing it, or something. People think I'm dumb because I say stupid things. It's true. I'm not really smart. I also laugh a lot, which probably adds to the misconception that I don't have much going on up there. I have stuff going on, it's actually just really boring. Stupid brain. Mrs Graham said I was happy go lucky, that's why she underestimated my ability. She said "Don't take offence to this Eileen" beforehand, so naturally I did. Here's some basic stuff that probably should have been in the first paragraph. I am 17, in Year 12 at a Catholic all-girls college. I have friends. I don't like the library. I paint a lot, draw a lot. People think I am "arty". I love to take photos. I want to be a designer when I am older, but I don't think I will get into the uni course that I want. I have to vote in November. I play the flute and I do hip-hop dancing, even though I hate the music. Recently every time I come to dancing Danita tells me I'm pretty. I'm not sure how to take it. I'm on the Yearbook Committee. I am not a very good public speaker. Mix the two and you have a problem, as the Yearbook Committee has to get up at every school assembly and talk. Gah. I am listening to Ta Douleur by Camille at the moment. It is the best song ever. I am listening to it over and over, and I am in love. ..I don't make sense! YAY! But that's me for you. And that's it for this post. I'm not even upset anymore. Yay for Meliss. :D