well, i got home from school awhile ago, my mom came and picked me up, god i just started on the pill to make my stupid period better but NoOoO, what does it do, it makes me have extremely bad cramps. I couldnt take it anymore so i just came home, for the first time in years. but oh well i just missed a s.s test, which i'll do tomorrow at lunch or something. ANYWAYS other then me feeling like shit, i havnt been having great days, i want them to get better but i just dont see a way how. I hate the fact that i wanted to show one person that i CAN be happy and stay that way, but as soon as i got the chance my whole mood changed and everything is going bk downhill, but like i said before i was happy and me being happy can only last so long. Everything is just staring up again, me having the feeling of being Used, and like im just "there" and its as if i never matter, but at the same time there are people that say that they need me to be there and that they wouldnt no what they would do without me, well some of those ppl are the ones that make me feel that way and im so confused about what to do, cuz i dont want to leave and for them to be hurt but me staying there not doing anything is hurting myself more, the ppl that i feel great with, well one of them the one that makes me feel happy, or used to, i just keep on hurting more and more and its pissing me off, i mean i care for this person but its just who i am and i dunno what to do. Then theres the issue of me wanting everything bk the way it used to be, like im my old skewl, but that will never happen and i jst have to realize that, but everytime i do i just cry and cry untill i tell myself that maybe if i keep trying it will change back, but it wont and im just lieing to myself. then theres the fact that i want someone to be there for me, boyfriend wise, but yet the people that i like i just cant see me being with them and there friends with my ex and i just feel weird liking them, so i doubt anything will happen with them, but also the people who like me, well i dunno i just dont like i would LIKE to have them as my boyfriend, man i hate not liking the people that i know that like me. Soccer started, First practice tomorrow at 7-8 im excited for everything on the same team just a div higher with them all, so it'll be fun. Ive been thinking about getting bangs, but i dunno if i would like them, like i want something different but EVERYONE seems to be getting them done and i dont want to do them cuz of that reason. but what ever im still thinking. The thing that i was talking about in my last entry well, it past, i "Think" its all good but yeah it seems to be that way, so thats fixed up and everything. .Love.You.Always.xoxo. Billy