this weekend was amazing. friday we had a snow day, which was good and gave me time to clean up the house for estrogen evening, which was on saturday. i have never connected so much with a group of girls. i felt so comfortable with all of them, like we've been sisters always. i dont know how i feel alone sometimes when i have friends as great as they are... i'm one of the luckiest people alive when it comes to friends♥ everyone got me such cute presents, too here's the list: billie: a stuffed penguin a jewelry kit hair clips mini nail polish/file cute christmas tree tin flarp!! [okkk... how much does billie know me. first of all, i love the penguin and i named it Ben... *shame* second of all, the hair clips have POLKA DOTS my favorite things! the flarp is sooo funny, its gooey stuff and when you finger it it makes fart noises hahaha AND! making jewelry is my favorite thing to do in the world.] i love you bilieee!! thank you my twin♥ im so glad you finally came to my house and kept me company on the love seat im glad we're such good friends now you make my days full of love and wetness =) des: a cute bag that looks like a belt a care bare blanket a necklace [aww i love desss. i cant wait to use the blanket in ski club and the necklace is soo meeee its got a little cassette tape and then a little pink heart and it matches the bracelet marissa got me] i lovee ittt. des you're my nanny FOREVER♥ im so glad you finally came over! emily: cute penguin pj's a clementine orange [hahaha one of my favorite spanish words is naranja anddd the pjs are so cute and warm. they're purple with little wintery penguins omggg] thank you emilyyy i love you!! you're my favorite secret santa ever *hugs* lyndsey: a christmas pen a singing stocking cute ribbons tampon instructions(??) horror movie hits CD a santa hat [original]night of the living dead DVD [i LOVE old horror films and the santa hat says "ho ho ho" because she thinks im such a WHORE] you little biotch. i love you though. so much, best friends ALWAYS♥ emilie: a killington picture frame [she made the picture frame HERSELF, its so cuteee and i cant wait until we go to Vermont in February and i get a picture that i can put in it♥] i love you so much emilieee!! you know i love things you do with your own hands *wink* marissa: light up earrings a can of cashews surprise burger king slushie emo furby [omgg the earrings are so me they're green christmas bulbs and when you turn them they flash lmao everyone was so jealous when i wore themmmm and there's this dane cook joke [we love him] where he launches a chasew off his erection and into his mouth..... it sounds bad but its soo funnyyy and we always laugh about it hahaha] thank you marissa!!! i love youuuu i'm so glad you surprise me on your way home from workkk do it again sometimeee ok??♥ and from my sister: kara a teal old navy fleece throw blanket a miami university hoodie [no one knows why she got me the miami hoodie, i dont really like them that much, but hey- its a cute thought i guess i like them now?? hahhaa] i love my sisterrr♥ and from the satan my family considers blood related: kathleen: chocolate coconut scented shower set [i dont even like the smell of coconut.] thx?? hahahaa ok. now that thats out of the way. ben got me a christmas present. im so excited. but nervuos. because i dont know if he'll like what i got him i hope he does marissa helped me pick it out and she spends a lot of time with him its this cute little stuffed Stan from South Park [he's jewish hehe] dressed up as a reindeer and you can use it as an ornament or just cuddle with it i guess hahaa i want to go to wal mart or something and get him something else. i wrote him a poem, and i made him a few things but i dont know if im giving him them. i dont want to scare the kid *confizzled* max said he got me something too. so i wonder what that one is =/ i kinda miss him lately, i dont know what to do. because im not sure if im missing him or im just missing being loved, or what it is. but i didnt get him anything so now i feel bad... but i got him Mrs. Captain Oats, the best christmas present ever. so i guess he still owes me from that? *im lying to myself* kathleen is being a real bithc. today i stayed home from school partially to do my world cultures project, but mostly because i kept throwing up last night like i would puke up stuff in my mouth and then just swallow it back down. which is grossss and i hate myself hahahha i dont know. but of COURSE just because i stayed home now she is too and shes just being a BITCH shes like OMG SHUT UP GOTH YOU'RE GOING TO HELL, ATHEIST YOU DONT BELIEVE IN HIM YOU'RE GOING TO HELLLLL YOU'RE GOING TO HELLLLL YOU'RE GOING TO HELLLLL [x42] WHY DO YOU EVEN CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS YOU DONT BELIEVE IN JESUS. YOU'RE GOING TO HELLLLL YOU'RE GOING TO HELLLLL [x40] i mean seriously. she thinks just from seeing the chart on my myspace that she has a CLUE about my life kathleen thinks shes such a strict christian from going to church once in her life. then why the hell is she underage drinking, swearing, and having premarital sex?? she has no right to judge me, or what my beliefs are/arent. she doesnt even know what being atheist means. its not that i dont believe in god/the devil. its that i just dont believe in much of anything... im apathetic when it comes to religion. if there is a god, so be it. i dont think he'd hate me for being myself i'm not a bad person. i dont intentionally hurt others. and if there isn't a god, so be it. i'll spend my life being eaten away by insects buried six feet in the ground. at least when i was alive, i enjoyed it and didnt conform to rules that didnt make me any better/worse of a person in the end. and another thing,im NOT goth. she doesnt even know what goth is. 3/4 of the people who throw the word around dont even know what it means. especially 12 year old girls who call themselves goth for owning a GC shirt. goth is a whole culture. yes, part of it invovles dress, but its so much more than that. just because my hair is black and most of my clothes are, doesnt make me goth, and doesnt mean that im pretending to be. i respect goths, i get them and their lifestyle but im not one of them, and dont label me. ughhh i feel so horrible. christmas is what?? 5 days away. and look at me, seriously. i feel like im in the middle of the depression all of a sudden... i think maybe im getting too used to my medicine that or maybe everyone else is just being more judgemental/vocal. i dont know anymore. i just wish people would get lives, and stop obsessing over everyone elses... oh, and i set my diary to private. why, you ask??? i dont need to be judged anymore, and im pretty sure the people who are currently on my friends list, [hopefully] know me well enough not to♥ [EDIT!] im going through all my old pictures and uploading them to photobucket for when i get my laptop, and i found some cute ones of me back in the day: makes me miss being blonde awww my favorite♥ why the crap do i sit in laundry baskets? and, finally, my dog slipping me the tongue: