It's mean, but I hate seeing him remotely happy.
It's not that i want him back, not in the slightest. It's that he no longer wanted me. And forever more i will be thinking "what was wrong with me?" Why would someone choose to hurt me? It;s no as though i could possibly hurt them back, unless of course i went by the same means of torture, cheating. He has a new girlfriend, and on some level i am happy he's moved on to someone who isn't "the other woman". I just want every person he comes in contact with to know he cheated on his ex-girlfriend. I want to know what I could have possibly done to drive him to sleep with someone else. What was wrong with me that my best friend at the time would betray me?
Being cheated on made me feel:
Ugly
Unloved
Unintelligent
Repulsive
Crazed
Confused
Hated
&
Useless
What did i ever do to him to make him in turn make me feel those ways? I understand that she was convenient, and close, and "new", but where was his brain? Where was the though that said "break up with my girlfriend, before i sleep with another woman." that would have hurt less... maybe.
Now having this all happen, it's hard to not think of myself as that list above still. It happened 6 or so months ago, but i still think about it frequently since he was a large portion of my adolescence. I have Mike now, the guy who treats me well. Who says he truly loves me. I am happy with him.
It's just hard to have someone not want you anymore, and never bothering to tell you at all, let alone why.
I guess my questions are:
Why not just break up with me before you cheated?
What could i have possibly have done to make you resort to that?
Where were your morals?
Why cheat on me and make me out to be the bad person?
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Mike has been gone to Washington D.C. for a week or more. It's difficult to be without him. I don't know what to do when i move to college, over 6 hours away.
He's so rude and he still talks trash and is rude to me even when I won't. I don't know why he feels the need to be the way he is. He's still as selfish as ever. He probably wasn't even thinking of you, Erin, when he did all those things to you. He was only thinking of himself.
Boys are stupid and don't think straight. Try not to think about the x because it's not worth upsetting yourself over. Live in the present and not the past and think about the future and nothing more.
<3