So I tried to make the day a success, I tried to be helpful, to have a good attitude, to make my evening fun. I played games and did dishes. I even went out at 10:30 and tried to find a party where I could be happy. All that means I have nothing to regret, and nothing to remember for my trouble. So here is the dilemma. If I had the choice to be disappointed or regretful, which would I choose knowing the outcome would be one or the other. I just wish I could somehow make something work exactly as I wanted it to. Every time I show up somewhere and my mom and my sister are there and don't think I am, my sister is bad mouthing me. I think its time I make a conscious effort to not personally attack her. To be honest it's not because I want to be a good person, but because I want not to be like her. I would rather be comfortable with myself, than need that much affirmation. It's a goal. I also need to remember one other thing. This year I am bound to get really lonely before the mission (God, please let me make it). I need to remember not to settle on anyone but get what I want, when I want it. It sounds odd, but it would make me a happier person to know that I got exactly what I wanted. It's new years, and I am calling right now that I will be in the same boat I am in right now come Valentines Day.