This will be quick because I need some sleep, but I thought there ought to be somewhere you could hear from me should you need it. The truth is, tonight I am scared to death. The road ahead is obscured and looks bleak and unfocused. All I know is that today was hard, not because it took a lot of effort, but because a lot of this kind of day in a row could kill me, but just one doesn't even seam to matter. I don't want to not matter, but that's true of every one my age. I think you are the one thing in my life that is inherently and entirely good. You are the one thing that stands out as something always worth while. I don't ever want to ruin that, but I don't think I will ever get enough time with you again. That time is so much more valuable now. I work all day, and I wonder if I changed without you here, or if I just gave up for now. I spend every night simply trying to recuperate from each day. I seem to have just enough to make it through and nothing more. I am not the man I was when I was free to be me. Now I'm only free to choose what to sacrifice. I want to be free again, but I don't know that I can afford that luxury. I know that I have already failed if I cannot try, but I have so little power left. I want to change the world, but I can barely change myself, can barely survive it. You told me I could have a life free from "hard," but I can't find it now. I don't think I'll find it for a while. Sometimes things just fall into my lap, but for now I seam only to be digging for roots in a desert. I'm fighting an unseen enemy, and I choose my battle knowing that its what's expected of me, not what makes me free. I love you, and that alone is enough. I miss you.