so the one hundredth entryy i have been waiting for turned out to be wasted byy a four-paged letter written with him in mind, but probablyy to be viewed onlyy byy myy future self much much later in life. yes. i did have a mini breakdown yesterday. but, no, tears were not involved. i haven't cried yet in 2006 and i want to keep it that wayy for as long as i possiblyy can. a realization came. it doesn't always happen this wayy, but i realized that i actuallyy love him. it is impossible to push everything awayy into a little corner of myy mind anymore. all because of the realization. i was scared. hence, the breakdown. things were better todayy. and i must go eat pho now.