I was reading the entries that I wrote from when I was like 14 years old. It seems so long ago. I almost didn't even remember that I was once that age. I have realized some things, when I was younger I wanted so desperately to seem badass that I exaggerated the truth. I have never thrown up in a bar or injected any drugs. I didn't lose my virginity until June 28th the year I turned seventeen. but I can tell you something it's much easier to admit that now, I'm happy with everything that I've done, it has made me who I am today. I have no regrets only scars, of memories that fade. It's so sad and depressing when you think of how much has changed in life from when you were fourteen or sixteen, to what it is now. People go there own seperate ways, some for good, I find myself alone with my thoughts alot of the time, and I wonder to myself why I don't hang out with some of my former best friends anymore. My friends have gone away either to work or university. And the friends who still live in town I have no contact with, I think that they don't like me anymore. I have always been very shy. When I see old friends on the street, I wait until they say hi if they notice that I'm there. If they don't notice me, I just walk right by. I'm horrible that way. I feel contented with me today. which is nice, I myself will be heading off to university in a little bit. I was accepted into the school of my dreams OCAD the ontario college of art and design. It scares me though because I don't make friends too easily, it has always been a struggle, because i tend to care too much about what others think about me. so i don't say things right when i meet people if i even say anything at all-it comes out wrong all awkward and too raw to make a proper first impression. Tomorrow is the fanexpo which i will be attending with him. He works at a comic book store so we get free tickets. I never care where we go as long as I am with him. The night is always darkest just before the dawn. And he is my dawn. ------------------EDIT-------------------- You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much i love you please don't take my sunshine away the other night dear, as i lay sleeping, i dreamt i held you in my arms, when i awoke dear i was mistaken, so i hung my head and cried. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away I'll always love you and make you happy, If you will only say the same. But if you leave me and love another, You'll regret it all some day: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away You told me once, dear, you really loved me And no one else could come between. But not you've left me and love another; You've shattered all my dreams: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me When I awake my poor heart pains. So when you come back and make me happy I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away my daddy used to sing me that song. when i was born he bought me a stuffed pink hippo with a musical box inside that played that tune. I loved it, it always made me feel better when I cried, It was destroyed in the fire, I cried for a long time about my link to daddy. He's still there only he's just dad now. while i was typing this edit. I received my student visa in the mail. woohoo credit cards cha-ching;)