There once was a girl named Rach, she was awesome and fucked up, as we all are. Her problems were like mine, but she turned to cocaine, and no-one really knows what happened to her, but i miss her sense of humour, and the way she laughed off everything. So dear dear rach, don't be sad anymore, wherever you are, if it isn't too late just hold on, because you can do it, you can rise above all the chaos. I love you even if we've never met. I hope you are okay. I hope you feel loved by me. I love you rach.

[suicidalscars]♥

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I've been thinking of rach lately, it makes me sad but then again it also makes me smile.

I've been thinking of writing a book of poems. It starts with--Hey kill yourself and ends with a few more scars--the first poem in line.

One by one I hear them agonize over me, I feel them tell themselves that what happened was all their fault. In a sense I agree. if they would have payed me more mind maybe it wouldn't have happened, I don't remember most of it, well--any of it even. but there were signs and i gave them fare warning.

It started in grade 9. in geography class. I said something about one of the classmates, and instantly I was popular, I was someone, everyone laughed at my jokes, Then something went wrong, and thus ended my reign of terror as the popularity queen. I didn't really mind it though, they were bitches anyway. Then I met HER.

She was a NIGHTMARE always callous, and so uncouth, a rebel with a cause, and i gravitated towards her, although it seemed she had to work for me;not like she made other friends it was so esy for her, except I made her work and she liked the challenge.

We were the epitomy of Bonnie and Clyde, except her love for me (in that way) was unrequited--to a point, i can't say that I wan't curious to a point. I enjoyed all the extra attention and that's when it all came crumbling down. I became wreckless and very very angry at the world. I started with pot, and graduated to ecstacy and olde english. I wasn't a junkie, i was never hooked or anything but I did whatever i could get in excess, I took uppers and downers ie: oxycocet, prozac, perkocet, and some various anti-depressants chased down with cheap beer. Each day was a new excuse to drink and do drugs, I picked up smoking, and I and HER had some adventures let me tell you.

I was a tease I dressed super-slutty but never did much more than kiss. I'd get them to buy me cigarettes or beer or even to pickup for me, and the payment I would make-out with them for like 10 minutes and when they were at bursting point, i'd say kay thanks bye. and get into even more trouble.

I loved all the attention from guys so i led them on, I know it's not right at this stage in my life, but at the time, I was attention starved and I wanted to be told of all the nasty things they wanted me to do to them, then i'd make some excuse to leave early and dissapear--vanish from their lives.