oh god where to begin....
i got so pissed off this week at my parents that i cut again and i just got so furious that i forgot to hide it and my mom saw the new cuts. so now she threatened me to go see a professional and told my dad. they say their "worried" and that im stupid for doing that. but i took it as a good opportunity to tell them that im getting really pissed at them and that they are making me do it. which is true. so now they are looking at me differently and i guess maybe now they'll think about how i feel before pushing it to the limit. the bad thing was that i promised myself i wouldnt cut anymore because the scars would stay and because alexis dosent like it and neither of my friends do. my friends and alexis are probably the only reason why i live. either way, i was at school on friday and alexis said he had to talk to me and so he said he was worried about me, he too saw the cuts and so he told me to tell him but i started crying and then he started crying and i dont know but i felt like just grasping that moment and just replaying it over and over again he told me he cares about me and dosent want me to do that and also not that long ago he told me he loved me but i never thought he really meant it cause hes only said those words twice. but either way, after that moment happened i think im starting to love him, but i just cant say it. i dont know why, but i cant say it to anyone.
its an issue i have to work on
we had a soccer tornament on saturday [yesterday] and we played 3 games. however we were at the park from 8 am to 4 pm so we spent basically all day there, just me and my soccer team. man was it fun. we wont the first game....however i was benched but being a bench warmer is so damn fun. so i didnt mind. me and jeanne were acting crazy, but hey who cares. then we played the second game a few hours later and we lost. i started that game and just when i was getting into it, medina took me out and i didnt play again. bastard, it wasnt my fault, no one was passing the ball to me and when they did it was me against the goalie and dammit shes allowed to use her hands. moving on it was about 3 hours that we had of freedom before our last game started. this was fun as hell. there were water fights, moshpits, physical abuse and so forth. but it was fun. we lost our last game because one the field sucked, two the coach was screaming like crazy and three again no one was playing like they were supposed to. so whatever. but yea that was my weekend....
oh look at what i made:
yea thats me in the background.
Hi, my name is Danielle. I probably wouldn't be a good person to talk to if you are trying to quit cutting, but if you don't want to stop cutting and you juzt don't want to feel alone in it then link me back and check out my web: ICut@groups.msn.com.
Peace!
yea thats me in the background.
theyre nuts
oh man parents are so awful sometimes
cutting only makes things worse hun
x
Peace!